Yesterday we learned that Kevin Durant didn’t think Blake Griffin’s monster dunk was all that. He grew up in the 90s so he still uses that lingo, plus he loves Amanda Bynes, but really we all do so let’s not jump down his throat.
Anyway, since Kevin Durant doesn’t care about monster dunks against his team, I had to find out what else doesn’t impress him. After a 6-hour conversation, I found out that Kevin Durant’s a real Shania Twain about things that are typically awe-inspiring.
Great Wall of China
“It’s just a wall, I think. Some guys built it and it’s pretty long. So it’s a really long wall at the end of the way. Maybe if it were in my yard I’d say it’s ‘great.’”
“As far as I’m concerned, it’s just a big hole in the ground. I have no appreciation for it at all. We’ve got a ditch in Oklahoma City that doesn’t get attention because it’s not an Arizona dent. It’s fine but I don’t think it’s ‘grand.’”
“Guys flying around in space? We’ve got guys on this team that can fly around too — Russell Westbrook, Serge Ibaka — they can float but whatever. If Lance Bass can do it, then who cares.”
Great Pyramid of Giza
“That’s just a triangle that no one lives in and is falling apart. Come on, man. Chesapeake Energy Arena holds 18,000 people and they’re always going crazy. To be honest, I prefer that.”
“OK, yeah. She’s nice.”
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus
“People say it’s the ‘Greatest Show on Earth,’ but it’s animals running around in circles, I think. Maybe if they let Scott Brooks be the ringmaster I might say it was a good show.”
“Triple rainbows are worth more.”
“OK, so he can pull strings out of his stomach. That’s his thing, right? And he can hold his breath a long time? We’ve got magicians here in Oklahoma City that can do better tricks but because they’re not Chicago magicians or Miami magicians no one talks about their tricks. That’s fine.”
The New Blue Marble Photograph
“It’s Earth. I’ve seen it.”