Jeremy Lin is the best basketball player in the universe — Grokmel, a six-armed slashing forward from the Cremlogue II universe directly adjacent to ours is said to be the best player alive today — and he sleeps on a couch. These two things have been true since the dawn of #Linsanity #SILinsansity and will continue to be true until the end of time, lest he lose his special basketball powers. He’d never move to his own house because professional athletes are very superstitious and he wouldn’t want to jinx it.

Right? From the New York Daily News:

Jeremy Lin is moving on up … to Westchester County.

The Knicks phenom, who in the span of six games has gone from benchwarmer to the cover of Sports Illustrated, has sublet a two-bedroom apartment from former Knick David Lee in a swanky Trump Tower, sources told the Daily News. [...]

The Trump Tower in downtown White Plains, a 35-story building right off Main St. that’s home to several other Knicks players and some New York Rangers as well. It’s the same two-bedroom apartment that another Knicks star, Amar’e Stoudemire, rented before he moved into his palatial pad in Manhattan, sources said.

Are you kidding me? This can’t be happening. I don’t want to believe this is true. This changes everything.

I mean, why? Why would he do this? After all that couch has done for him, he’s just going to abandon it for a beautiful condo with 9-foot ceilings that is within walking distance of a Buffalo Wild Wings? I know they have 16 different sauces (and four dry rub flavors), but that just seems like a slap in the overstuffed arms of the couch that made him what he is today. The kouch karma gods will not look kindly on this.

Sure, he’ll probably sleep better which will means he’ll be more well-rested for the games which means he’ll probably play better, but still. Hasn’t he seen “Like Mike?” Doesn’t he know that it’s possible to lose the powers that an inaminmate object has given you and that you’ll have to resort to trickery to be successful? And that that craftiness only works for the last play of an important game?

Furthermore, doesn’t he know that in most movies, it’s when the hero starts doing uncharacteristic stuff — like, I don’t know, finding their own place to live instead of living with their brother — that things start to turn bad? I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Comments (11)

  1. WESTCHESTER STAND UP

  2. You think his game would regress now that he messed up with the psyche of the whole situation…?

  3. The answer is: the couch is coming with him.

  4. laaaawllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  5. There is a Five Guys across the street from Trump White Plains. Eddy Curry lives there.

  6. Jeremy Lin is a true inspiration to all- inspite of so many hurdles, he has managed to emerge as a real star; Go Lin-Possible :
    Jeremy Lin: Against the Odds He Succeeds : http://bit.ly/wkKZ3Y

  7. Wow, Kirby! So now Lin starts to suck and the Knicks play bad but Carmelo and Amare somehow lead the team to NBA finals. In game 7 trailing by 20 at halftime, Lin, now buried behind even Douglas, breaks in the Fields place and carries the sofa to his place with help from a young Latino fan who still believes in him and show him the error of his ways. Lin arrives at the end of 3rd quarter and thru a cliche inspirational speech convince D’Antony to let him start the 4th, the fortunes change and in the end he converts a four point play with 0.1s left and the Knicks win by one. Roll the Disney credits.

  8. In 1928, John W. Nordstrom retired and sold his shares to two of his sons, Everett and Elmer. In 1929, Wallin also retired and sold his shares to them. The 1930 grand opening of the remodeled Second Avenue store marked the change of name to Nordstrom. ^,;’

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