You’ve probably seen the GIF — Derrick Rose stonefaced while LeBron James gets his dance on during All-Star Game introductions. It said everything you ever wanted to know about Rose and LeBron in the course of a few frames. And in an All-Star Weekend that didn’t have a ton of memorable moments, this little snippet will go down as one of the top five best things about All-Star 2012.

Afterwards, Rose had this to say about the impromptu dance party that he unwillingly attended. From ESPN:

“I can dance,” Rose said after Sunday night’s All-Star Game. “But there’s a time and place for that and I don’t think it was right, then and there.” [...]

“I don’t care,” Rose said. “You just know that’s me, man. If you would have saw me out there dancing, you would have been looking at me different. I’m just me. I can’t be anybody else. I think that’s what people see.”

Fair enough. Even though Skeets is right and dancing during All-Star Game intros is the perfect time to cut loose, if Derrick Rose is so concerned about being tough that he doesn’t want to get caught dancing, then that is his choice. We can’t all be Tas Melas and Glen Davis.

Nonetheless, as Derrick said, there is a time and place to dance. Luckily, through careful internet sleuthing and other diabolical means, TBJ has been able to uncover Derrick Rose’s 10 times and places when it is OK to dance. The list is as follows:

  • In high school, during a dance-off.

  • Your own wedding (first dance only).
  • Your best friend’s wedding (“Party Rock Anthem” only).
  • While watching “My Best Friend’s Wedding” (“I Say a Little Prayer” scene only).
  • At an NBA championship rally, but only if there’s a hilarious white guy on stage already dancing and distracting everyone.
  • Any and all quinceaƱeras.
  • If that one Gorillaz song is playing.
  • While limbo-ing.
  • If you get a custom Skittles machine, but only after the delivery man has left.
  • Accidentally in your sleep.

We scoured the internet and these are the only 10 scenarios where Derrick Rose says it’s OK to dance, so it’s no surprise that he wasn’t a big fan of LeBron and Dwight Howard busting moves before the All-Star Game. The court is a sacred, no-dancing place for him, which is why he considers the first act of “Footloose” to be the pinnacle of cinema.

Follow these simple dancing rules and Derrick Rose has your back. Break any of them, even to the slightest degree, and you’re Kevin Bacon. And not in a good way.