Hey, are you a stupid idiot who will spend your dumb money on any pointless thing you come across? First of all, sucks to be you. Second of all, Kobe Bryant has a deal for you!
[Kobe Bryant] shed the protective mask that he’d been wearing since Dwyane Wade broke his nose in the All-Star game and says he doesn’t plan to wear it again.
“I might donate it, see if anybody’s dumb enough to buy that sweaty mask,” he said.
OK, so maybe Kobe Bryant doesn’t really understand the difference between “donating” and “selling,” but still. This might be your chance to own a plastic mold of Kobe Bryant’s face, you numbskull. Again, it’s only a chance since Kobe Bryant might donate it but also might sell it. Or maybe he is planning on donating it to a charity and letting them sell it. I don’t know. I’m not a semiotician. The point is you might be able to put Kobe Bryant’s sweaty face on your face, so just think about that for a minute. This could be an incredible opportunity for you to waste your money, you fool.
And hey, if you’re looking to blow a serious amount of money, there are worse ways to spend it than on Kobe Bryant’s disgusting mask. That thing brought him quite a bit of luck in the past few weeks. He went for 30 or more points in that span, raising his points per game average by a point as compared to the first half of the season. Sure, his field goal percentage dropped off a cliff, he’s passing the ball less and his best friend is joining the Thunder, but POINTS, MAN. POINTS.
So yeah, keep your eyes peeled at various auction houses, online resale shops and pawn shops if you’re dying to get your cheeks in to Kobe Bryant’s mask. If you’re a big enough nitwit, you might score yourself a nice piece of memorabilia.