We all know the Oklahoma City Thunder are a tight-knit bunch. We know their leader, Kevin Durant, always looks out for his teammates, even going so far as to insist that Thabo Sefolosha and Nenad Krstic join him on a Sports Illustrated cover. They’re a close group of guys who have played together for a couple of years and always have each other’s backs, even if it means they’d potentially have to fight Metta World Peace.

But what if there were a zombie apocalypse, then what? Thankfully, Nick Collison was asked that question by a GQ magazine reader, so we know the answer.

@IamAinsleyHayes Which teammates would survive a zombie apocalypse, and which ones wouldn’t?

I think most of us would. We are used to running and pushing through fatigue. We are used to being in stressful situations together, and we have each others’ backs. Sadly, however, I think we would lose a couple guys. Take, for instance, Reggie Jackson, our rookie, who cannot seem to stay awake for any extended period of time and passes out on all flights within five minutes [...]

I fear Reggie would doze off somewhere and the zombies would get to him. I think Kendrick Perkins would be OK at first, but eventually he would look at a zombie and not like the way the zombie was looking at him. If you know Perk the way I know Perk, you know he wouldn’t be able to resist getting face to face with the zombie and letting him know he doesn’t play. He could fight off a few of the zombies, but eventually there would be too many, and I’m worried he wouldn’t make it.

Meanwhile, James Harden would definitely survive, because a zombie is not going to want to get any of that beard in his throat while trying to eat his brain.

Props to Nick Collison, because all of these scenarios seem accurate. Zombies getting you while you’re sleeping is a legitimate concern in times like that and no one likes getting hair in their food. Plus, as we all know, Kendrick Perkins will fight pretty much anybody, even if they are an undead half-human who is desperate for some delicious hypothalamus. Nick Collison is really coming from a place of truth with this.

That being said, I’d actually be worried about Nick Collison if a science experiment went wrong and zombies took over Oklahoma City. Wouldn’t he just be setting screens to keep the zombies away from Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook? If a zombie was charging at Nick Collison, I’m scared his instincts would kick in and he’d try to take a charge. With the way Nick Collison plays, there are lots of different ways he could accidentally be devoured by bloodthirsty zombies.

Judging by how well he knows his teammates and how they would deal in post-apocalyptic world, I’m sure he’s aware of this. I just want to voice my concern, should the worst happen. Someone needs to look out for Nick Collison, lest we all be chased by very sweaty, very relentless zombies with solid 12-footers.

Comments (13)

  1. nick collison just became my 2nd favorite player on the thunder

  2. I’d be worried about Russell Westbrook during a zombie apocalypse…Westbrook would forget about the goal of running, much like he often forgets Kevin Durant is his teammate, and he would eventually get destroyed by zombies

    • Westbrook doesn’t forget Durant is his teammate, Westbrook remembers that he’s a future MVP candidate and is as important to OKC’s success at KD. Quit sippin’ that Skip Bayless Haterade.

      • Whoa, I see you trollin DuhSweetness
        Well Durant is an MVP candidate now, whereas Westbrook is ‘a future MVP candidate’ according to you. I don’t believe Westbrook is not important to OKC’s success…but Westbrook should always defer to Durant. Always

        • Always. Especially when Durant is 10-27 and Westbrook is 11-18. ESPECIALLY THEN.

          • Okay, thanks for bringing up one game @steve_pierce.
            Kevin Durant shot 49.6% this past season and has never shot below 43% in his career. And Westbrook sports a career shooting percentage of 43% just barley shooting above 45% this past season…c’mon, nobody can justify Westbrook is better than Durant.
            And, I can almost guarantee Scott Brooks looked at 10-27 vs 11-18 and laughed when it came to who deserves the final shot vs Dallas

  3. This article is amazing though, which now has me thinking,
    What NBA team would be best prepared in the event of a zombie apocalypse?
    I’d say the San Antonio Spurs, those guys know how to work together, and if the team gets overwhelmed with zombies, Popovich will just have the team act like zombies to throw them off because the team is old, ZING…AMIRITE or AMIRITE?

    • Yeah because if Westbrook had deferred all night to KD and not repeatedly gotten to the line with aggressive drives to the basket to stymy the Dallas run in the late 2nd and early 3rd, OKC would definitely be up 2-0 in this series. KD is 1a and Westbrook is 1b, that’s the dynamic, I admit, but Westbrook needs to get his and stay aggressive. And I still prefer KD taking the late-game winners, but during the game, let Westbrook be Westbrook. Like Kobe said, “Westbrook is a problem.”

  4. I thought the Zombie Sonics already had an apocalypse…

  5. Nah. Nick Collison would be fine.
    With all that sweat, the zombies wouldn’t be able to catch him, too slippery.

  6. Could we breakdown how each NBA team would fare in a zombie apocalypse now? I think I’ d actually be okay with that as a weekly column or as a segment on the overdose.

    Bobcats vs. Zombies would be awesome.

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