When the Golden State Warriors went in to full-on tank mode late in the season, we all knew why — if the team didn’t finish in the top seven of the lottery, their pick was headed to Utah. Better to keep a high draft pick in a stacked draft then blow out Stephen Curry’s ankles again, as my mother always says. You might hate tanking, but you have to admit it was the smart play.
The Warriors did their part — winning just nine games over the season’s last two months while trading their best offensive and best defensive player for an injured guy — and finished seventh in lottery chances, but now they have to hope the balls drop their way. And to make sure that happens, one of the team’s co-owners is bringing a really wicked shark’s tooth with him to tomorrow night’s lottery. From the San Francisco Chronicle:
[Peter] Guber was given a massive tooth from a great white shark several years back. He said it’s much larger than the normal size, measuring almost 3 inches in length and weighing nearly 2 pounds.
He started believing in the lucky powers of the tooth when he and Joe Lacob’s “underdog” ownership group outbid Larry Ellison for the Warriors in 2010. It may have had something to do with a film he produced, “The Kids Are All Right,” winning the Golden Globe in 2010, too.
“It brought me the Warriors, so why can’t it bring the Warriors a pick?” Guber said.
Love this thinking. Not only did having this absurdly big shark’s tooth help Guber win a second-tier movie award, it also helped buy him a second-tier NBA franchise, so why shouldn’t it help the Dubs keep their lottery pick? It’s flawless logic and the only thing Petey Gubes needs to worry about is transporting a two pound, razor sharp shark’s tooth between Oakland and New York.
If that doesn’t work, the Warriors have a backup plan.
[General manager Bob] Myers was still taking suggestions for his good luck charm Monday, but he’s leaning toward bringing an American Indian coin.
The coin was given to the Warriors by Cache Creek Casino Resort chairman Marshall McKay, who lives in the Yocha Dehe tribal community and speaks to the coin’s propitious powers.
“I’m open to more suggestions, but this seems pretty serious. If it works, it’s even more serious,” Myers said
So basically — “Some guy gave me this coin and told me it was lucky, so I’ll bring it. Not sure if it is but I don’t have a giant shark’s tooth or a Golden Globe or anything like that, so I’m just hoping it helps.” Thanks for really thinking this through, Bob.
I hate to say it, but it sounds like the Warriors are screwed. One guy’s bringing some random coin, the other is bringing a huge tooth that helped him win the second-most important movie awards there are, while the Cavaliers are sending a swagged-out kid who won the lottery last year. Not only are the Warriors not getting the top pick, unless they find a cute girl who can distract Nick Gilbert from using his tricks to win the lottery, they’re not getting a pick at all. Such are the powers of bad good luck charms.