When the Golden State Warriors went in to full-on tank mode late in the season, we all knew why — if the team didn’t finish in the top seven of the lottery, their pick was headed to Utah. Better to keep a high draft pick in a stacked draft then blow out Stephen Curry’s ankles again, as my mother always says. You might hate tanking, but you have to admit it was the smart play.

The Warriors did their part — winning just nine games over the season’s last two months while trading their best offensive and best defensive player for an injured guy — and finished seventh in lottery chances, but now they have to hope the balls drop their way. And to make sure that happens, one of the team’s co-owners is bringing a really wicked shark’s tooth with him to tomorrow night’s lottery. From the San Francisco Chronicle:

[Peter] Guber was given a massive tooth from a great white shark several years back. He said it’s much larger than the normal size, measuring almost 3 inches in length and weighing nearly 2 pounds.

He started believing in the lucky powers of the tooth when he and Joe Lacob’s “underdog” ownership group outbid Larry Ellison for the Warriors in 2010. It may have had something to do with a film he produced, “The Kids Are All Right,” winning the Golden Globe in 2010, too.

“It brought me the Warriors, so why can’t it bring the Warriors a pick?” Guber said.

Love this thinking. Not only did having this absurdly big shark’s tooth help Guber win a second-tier movie award, it also helped buy him a second-tier NBA franchise, so why shouldn’t it help the Dubs keep their lottery pick? It’s flawless logic and the only thing Petey Gubes needs to worry about is transporting a two pound, razor sharp shark’s tooth between Oakland and New York.

If that doesn’t work, the Warriors have a backup plan.

[General manager Bob] Myers was still taking suggestions for his good luck charm Monday, but he’s leaning toward bringing an American Indian coin.

The coin was given to the Warriors by Cache Creek Casino Resort chairman Marshall McKay, who lives in the Yocha Dehe tribal community and speaks to the coin’s propitious powers.

“I’m open to more suggestions, but this seems pretty serious. If it works, it’s even more serious,” Myers said

So basically — “Some guy gave me this coin and told me it was lucky, so I’ll bring it. Not sure if it is but I don’t have a giant shark’s tooth or a Golden Globe or anything like that, so I’m just hoping it helps.” Thanks for really thinking this through, Bob.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like the Warriors are screwed. One guy’s bringing some random coin, the other is bringing a huge tooth that helped him win the second-most important movie awards there are, while the Cavaliers are sending a swagged-out kid who won the lottery last year. Not only are the Warriors not getting the top pick, unless they find a cute girl who can distract Nick Gilbert from using his tricks to win the lottery, they’re not getting a pick at all. Such are the powers of bad good luck charms.

Comments (5)

  1. magalodon tooth? i might have to call bs on that tooth though, 3 inches and 2 pounds? very dense

  2. As a Warrior fan, this new ownership group still hasn’t won me over. Wish Ellison had bought them..

  3. Dear Basketball Gods,

    Please make all right and give Sacramento the #1. After what we’ve endured this year, we need some cosmic karma to balance things out. Not to mention, after fans pleaded to have Isaiah Thomas to be sent to represent the team, to have the #60 pick get the #1 pick, the Maloofs responded by sending….Adrienne Maloof. Yeah. There are rumors that if they get a high pick that increases value to the team, they will finally sell. Come on basketball ball gods. We have 3 sacrifices we are dying to give in your name. Imagine a Cousins/Davis backcourt. Maloofs sell, Burkle steps in, and the city gets the new arena we fought so hard for. How is that not a story worth playing out? Make it happen basketball gods. Make things right.

    • Aren’t the Kings leaving Sac soon? Why would you even want them to get Anthony Davis? So he can go be successful as an Anaheim King? Ask Seattle how it feels to watch Durant with OKC on his uniform.

      • And how would they do that? With what money? Maloofs owe the city $68 million. That’s before they have to pay off Buss and Sterling to relocate, which has been said to be about $150 million. Team might be worth about $350 million or so. Maloofs only own about 49/50 percent. You do the math. They want to set up an anti trust case against Stern, good luck with that. Stern’s smart enough to see that Samueli would give them a loan they couldn’t cash which would give him ownership since the team would be collateral. Not going to happen. You have AEG, a former All-star as mayor in Sac, and billionaires lining up to buy the team and keep them in Sac, a proven market. Sorry, not moving. Unless Stern wants to set the precedent that no matter what a city does, including meeting every outline set by the NBA and putting up over a quarter of a billion dollars, your team can’t stay and isn’t safe. Ha, good luck getting your subsidy dollars in future.

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