We all know Gregg Popovich as the fun-loving, joke-making, friendly grandpa who loves talking about everything to everybody. For years, his warm demeanor and polite manner have warmed the hearts of basketball fans and sideline reporters all across the globe. Whether it be thoughtfully and thoroughly answering any question that’s asked of him or being forthright and open with anything that happens to his team, Popovich has always been a loquacious and quotatious basketball coach, which is why we all love him and why he loves us all back.
But there is a dark side to Gregg Popovich. A side that can plumb the deep, dark recesses of his soul to strike fear in the hearts of men. Tony Parker knows that feeling all too intimately. From Yahoo! Sports’ Johnny Ludden:
Early in his career, Parker once dared to shake off a play call from his coach. Popovich called a timeout and blasted Parker before he could even reach the bench. “You know I’m crazy!” Popovich yelled. “Do that again, and I’ll play Steve Kerr 95 minutes a night if I have to!”
“Nooooo! Not Steve Kerr! I’ll do whatever you say, Coach. Anything but Steve Kerr!” — Tony Parker, probably
Not only is replacing Tony Parker with Steve Kerr the worst thing Tony Parker could ever dream up, this threat also shows us that Gregg Popovich has indeed figured out a way to manipulate the space-time continuum. If he can figure out a way to play any player for 95 minutes during a 48-minute game, then he must be some kind of necromancer, which would explain how the Spurs are still good despite their advanced age.
Between the Kerr threat and the revelation that Popovich has time travel capabilities, it’s no wonder why Parker fell in line and has never again clashed with his head coach. They say it’s better for a ruler to be feared than loved, and this makes that pretty obvious. Because if Gregg Popovich is willing to bend space and time just to spite Tony Parker, there’s no knowing where he’ll stop.