Ray Allen is one of the best shooters ever, which is both something you already know and something that must be mentioned in every conversation regarding the Celtics shooting guard. He’s the all-time three-point leader, has been shooting the same forever and has made more important shots than you did during your entire childhood of doing the “3 … 2 … 1″ thing in your driveway. Ray Allen’s shooting bona fides are well known, so let’s not even worry about discussing them.

This postseason, however, has seen Allen shoot just 39 percent from the field, 27 percent from three and 60 percent from the line, all of which would be the lowest marks in Allen’s career, postseason or otherwise. It’s like he’s suddenly turned in to Jeremy Pargo, which is a compliment to neither of these guys.

His shooting has gotten so bad — probably from the bone spurs in his ankles that feel like a thousand tiny people stabbing his tendons with comically small scabbards that look like cocktail toothpicks — that everybody thinks they can fix his shot, despite the fact that he’s the one who is Ray Allen. Being Ray Allen, he doesn’t like that very much. From Paul Flannery of WEEI.com:

Ray said people have been calling him about his shooting: “I’m like thank you for the advice. I’ve only been doing this for 20 years.”

Seriously, you guys. This is Ray Allen we’re talking about here. What kind of shooting advice are normal humans going to offer Ray Allen? That’d be like calling up Tim Cook and being like, “I have some really great ideas on how to make innovative computer products that are both elegant and intuitive to use, so I think we should talk.” Or like ringing up Kanye West and saying, “Hey man, let me tell you what I’m thinking about when it comes to being very talented BUT ALSO telling everyone how talented you are all the time.” Or like several other metaphors that I’d be very OK with you guys listing in the comments.

Of course, if Ray has another bad shooting game, maybe he should pick up the phone. I’m not saying he’s going to get any helpful advice, but you never know when Rick Mount is going to feel like using his daytime minutes.

Comments (9)

  1. Like calling up Michael Jordan and giving him new ideas of ways to humiliate Patrick Ewing.

    Like calling up Gregg Popovich and telling him anything, at all.

  2. If I had Tas Melas’s phone #, I’d call him up and give him pointers on how to play the recorder.

  3. That would be giving the Mario Bros. tips on plumbing.

    Or maybe like giving Russell Westbrook fashion tips.

  4. …like telling Manny Pacquiao how to be an eight-division title holder–bitch, please!

  5. it’s like giving Shaq pointers on how to be as funny as the holocaust.

  6. Like telling Lebron how to miss not one, but TWO shots in the dying seconds! Seen enough yet?

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