Hey, Juwan Howard. I know you just won your first NBA title after playing 77 years in the NBA, but chill out with your lensless bifocals and CO2 gun in the club. You spent your two minutes of NBA Finals playing time complaining to a ref for a foul when your team was up 20 and on their way to clinching the title. Relax, man.
Just kidding. You’re an NBA champion now, Juwan, after playing for every franchise in every decade of the league’s existence. You are the NBA’s Susan Lucci, so go nuts. Fire that CO2 gun like a boss, wear your glasses that you probably actually need because you’re developing sight problems in your old age, just do whatever you want. You’re the only Fab Five member to get an NBA championship ring, which basically means you need to do enough celebrating for five people. Stock up on CO2 refills because you’re going to be busy.
Stay unchill, Juwan Howard. You’ve earned it.