Athletes trademarking various things about themselves isn’t new. Just last month, Jeremy Lin won the trademark battle for “Linsanity,” which was a real thing that people were fighting about. If there’s money to be made from the sale of something, it’s better to protect that moneymaker than to let someone profit off of it. I learned all about this in a college course called “Things About Business That You Pretty Much Already Know.”

So it’s no surprise that Anthony Davis would trademark “Fear the Brow” and “Raise the Brow” in order to secure the rights to his prodigious forehead caterpillar. However, the reason behind why he wanted to trademark it is the true surprise. From CNBC:

“I don’t want anyone to try to grow a unibrow because of me and then try to make money off of it,” Davis told CNBC. “Me and my family decided to trademark it because it’s very unique.”

Hahahahahahahahaha. SURE. Sure, Anthony Davis. I’d definitely be worried that people are going to see your unibrow and be like, “Whoa. I can make so much money if I just grow a unibrow.” People have been conditioned to be grossed out by unibrows for years, but now they’re going to see it’s profitability? Probably not.

I mean, does he really think this is going to happen?

Or this?

Or this?

Yeah, me neither. Call it a hunch, but I think Anthony Davis’ unibrow monopoly will continue unabated, at least until Quincy Douby figures out a way to get back in the NBA. Until then, I think Davis is in the clear.