Hey guys, the draft was last night. As is customary tradition, we need to talk about what these guys were wearing. So let’s hand out some nonsense awards.
Best Dressed — Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Damian Lillard, John Henson
To be honest, there weren’t any really great standout outfits like Wes Johnson’s Ralph Lauren lookbook steez. Everyone wore pretty basic gear, so you need to look at small details to pick a winner. Things like Michael Kidd-Gilchrist’s knit tie, Damian Lillard’s checked jacket and John Henson’s cutaway collar were nice touches on snazzy looks that made these guys look the teensiest bit better than the rest of their draft class. Other than MKG’s tie bar being just a smidge too high, not much to complain about here.
Best Hat Wearer — Michael Kidd-Gilchrist
Some guys are not hat guys, which makes some guys look ridiculous on draft day. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, however, is definitely a hat guy. It helps that the new Charlotte colors match his suit, no doubt, but he actually looks cool in his snapback, unlike some of these dudes.
Highest Hat — Harrison Barnes
Take Harrison Barnes, for instance. Why is your hat so high, man? What are you hiding under there? Push that thing down.
Biggest Hat — Quincy Miller
Some guys go high with the hat, some guys go super huge. I guess Quincy Miller is the latter. Unless he has a bouffant that he doesn’t want to crush under this thing, looks like he needs to tighten things up a bit in the back.
Best Draft Hats — Trail Blazers, Hornets, Nets, Rockets
Portland’s draft hat is great because you can’t beat a black and red hat. New Orleans’ hat is great because it literally looks like something you’d own in 1993. Brooklyn’s hat is great because they’re the one team who just has their city name. Houston’s hat is great because the red and silver looks boss together. Cool hats right here. Maria Bello would be proud.
Most Awkward Snapback — Tyler Zeller
If Michael Kidd-Gilchrist is a hat guy, Tyler Zeller is the opposite. He looks like a Little League baseball player, and he has the tiniest of curls hanging out in the front. Can’t imagine we’ll see him in flat-billed hats very often in the future.
Best Color Coordination — Meyers Leonard and Damian Lillard
Do you think these guys knew they were going to be drafted by the Trail Blazers?
Worst Color Coordination — Austin Rivers
Call me crazy, but that looks like a guy who thought he was going to be a Toronto Raptor. Whoops.
Best Collar — John Henson
It was mentioned up top, but John Henson’s cutaway collar looked great and is very on trend. Plus, the size matches his jacket’s lapels and his tie fits in the huge space that such a collar allows. Very nice.
Worst Collar — Evan Fournier
Come on, man. Button that thing up and tighten your tie. This is the NBA draft, not the end of a wedding reception. Let’s leave the sprezzatura to the Italians.
Best Tie — Terrence Ross
A hand-tied bowtie? Works for me.
Neckest Beard — Quincy Acy
For the man who always wants to wear a turtleneck, I guess. He could hide all of Eddy Curry’s chins under that thing.
Worst Goatee — Austin Rivers
Here is a rule of thumb to keep in mind when considering facial hair — if your mustache and goatee form a capital J when you grown them out, don’t grow them out.
Worst Vest — Bradley Beal
Jauntiest Pose — Jeremy Lamb
Hahahaha, OK Jeremy Lamb. Really looking forward to your performance of “Step In Time” from “Mary Poppins.” Cool socks though. Very stripey.