As we all know, Steve Nash spurned the Toronto Raptors and accepted a trade to the Los Angeles Lakers, despite the fact he’s a Canadian and the team went so far as to promise to pay Landry Fields $20 million over the course of three years, just so the Knicks couldn’t sign-and-trade him to the Suns. And while you might be thinking, “Couldn’t have blocking one of his preferred trade destinations made Steve Nash mad enough that he wouldn’t want to sign with the non-title contending team who threw up the block?,” Canadians are still left searching for answers as to why the best basketball player in the nation’s history (truly sorry, Bill Wennington) would say no to his country.

As a migrant worker in Canada who has, just like Nash, spent the majority of his adult life in the United States, I can offer the unique perspective needed to explain a few of the reasons why Steve Nash might not want to come to Toronto. Even though he is a legit Canuck — which could be a great nickname, btdubs — there are some definite differences between American metropolises and Canada’s commercial center. What follows are some possible reasons why Steve Nash wouldn’t want to play basketball in Canada.

  • Bagged milk, while fun to carry, is kind of weird since it just sits open in your fridge.
  • An extra $9 million is nice, but getting it in $1 and $2 coins is super awkward/jangly.
  • Can’t get “the good cable.”
  • Only like three good taco places in the entire city.
  • After years of his product packaging having Spanish as the secondary language, switching to half-French really throws you off.
  • AMC isn’t in high definition for some reason.
  • Driving a car over streetcar tracks takes some getting used to.
  • There are only two subway lines and they have a combined total of 11 (estimated) stops.
  • Canadian Wheat Thins are worse than American Wheat Thins.
  • There is a pig slaughterhouse very close to downtown that smells terrible, like Chicago in the 1920s.
  • Can’t imagine he’d like the mayor.
  • Raptors haven’t won at least half of their games in a season since 2008.
  • Doesn’t make sense why the hockey team is called the Maple Leafs and not the Maple Leaves.
  • Canadian television commercials are strange, from the sitcom promos that only show half a joke to the random food-athlete ads that play every other break and always show the athlete practicing.
  • If you buy a computer in Canada, it is programmed to correct things like “defense” to “defence,” even if you meant to type it the first way.

These are all minor quibbles and Canada’s positives far outweigh the negatives, but if you’re a 38-year-old man who is trying to figure out where to end his professional basketball career, I can see how not wanting to adjust to these sorts of things might factor in to your decision. I mean, why can’t you watch “Breaking Bad” and “Mad Men” in HD? That doesn’t even make sense in 2012.

Nonetheless, Steve Nash is a Laker now, barring the trade being rescinded and him being sent to the Clippers instead (it happens). Surely that won’t be awkward when the Lakers end up playing in Toronto one time a year. After all, Torontonians have a history of being very civil and understanding to players who said no to their basketball team. This should definitely blow over.