Apparently forever is only 28 days.

That’s how long it took from the time Andray Blatche tweeted he’d be in Washington “forever lol” until he was amnestied by the Wizards, who jettisoned the burrito eating, “Lapdance Tuesday” hosting, prostitute soliciting underachiever after not being able to find a team who would take him off their hands, officially ending the Knucklehead Era in D.C. Who’s lol-ing now? (Probably no one since the Wizards still have to pay him $23 million and Blatche has to convince another team to let him play for them.)

While Blatche isn’t expected to garner a single bid from a team hoping to pick him up off waivers, there does exist a chance that some confident team could swoop him to snag him before he becomes a free agent. What follows is a list of possible bids that we may see in the next few days from some teams that are eligible to acquire amnestied players:

  • Sacramento Kings — 11 jars of mayonnaise, five containers of mustard and 12 dozen hard-boiled eggs
  • Toronto Raptors — one ton of scrap metal from various condo construction projects
  • Indiana Pacers — VHS copy of “Hoosiers” and Hot Wheels replica of Indy 500 pacecar
  • Cleveland Cavaliers — “The Drew Carey Show” complete series on DVD, discarded brochures from Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
  • Atlanta Hawks — a TI guest verse
  • Charlotte Bobcats — bag of hair, some old orange shorts and the Racefan Ultimate NASCAR app for the iPhone
  • Houston Rockets — Steve Francis/Cuttino Mobley commemorative cuddle blanket from canceled promotion during 2000-01 season
  • New Orleans Hornets — some extra tweezers Anthony Davis didn’t want
  • Phoenix Suns — Sebastian Telfair
  • Milwaukee Bucks — three pounds string cheese (cheddar)
  • Portland Trail Blazers — two knee injuries and eight inches of rain

As you can see, the Andray Blatche market is pretty dried up. There are even rumors that the Bucks’ original bid would have included an additional three pounds of mozzarella string cheese, but they pulled that because they didn’t think he was worth it. Tough break, but I’m sure the $23 million will cheer him up.

Feel free to leave your Andray Blatche amnesty bids in the comments.

Comments (34)

  1. I hear the Grizzlies have offered Andray a dookie shoe…

  2. New York Knicks — $23 million over the next three seasons.

  3. Boston Celtics – their fans’ undying loyalty and ability to telepathically will players to succeed

  4. Los Angeles Lakers – An elbow to the head from World Peace and some of the best burritos around (amount of burritos tbd by quality of play)

  5. Hey at least he can say I’m getting 23 mil and I lost my job to Shavlik Randolph.

  6. Nuggets offer 2lbs of bull testes and a crate of unsold Iverson jerseys

  7. Ill give him 25 bucks Canadian to do my yard work for the next year.

  8. Cheddar string cheese? Thats just insulting.

  9. my left shoe laces

  10. Philidelphia: 7 philly cheese steaks, to be eaten in front of him to deter him from showing up to camp over weight. Ultimately will not work.

  11. The warriors offer him a case of 1992 pink andre champagne with the labels having white out respelling it to Andray. They convince him that they bought him his own winery. He starts wearing turtle necks and listening to jazz off the court and on

  12. I’d get him a “Haters gonna hate” tee and a multi-year contract if he’s willing to move to Europe. Deff one of the more talanted offensive players in the NBA – can score on pretty much everyone and I am sure can do good on a decently-smart team.

  13. I heard the raptors could give them a great deal on some concrete

  14. Pistons – Allen Iverson’s players club membership for the Greek Town Casino.

  15. Chicago was rumored to be giving up a pizza which was assumed to be a deep dish pizza. Turns out they have downgraded their offer and are only willing to depart with thin, new york style pizza.

  16. The Washington Generals, 2 pounds of dirty jerseys.

  17. Miami- Pay us $3 million/year and we’ll get you a championship

  18. Nets- A bootleg copy of Jay-Z’s In My Lifetime Vol 1

    Bobcats- A pair of “Jordanized” blue jeans

    Mavs- A date with Dirks incarcerated baby momma

  19. watch Spurs come in and scoop him up.

  20. spurs – a punch in the face by pop

  21. Warriors – a Volvo to ghost ride and a BART pass

    Portland – Herb and beer, but rescinded the offer

    Clippers – Taking gut shots from Chris Paul charges and assist Blake Griffin with poster dunks.

    Spurs – in addition to the face punch by Pops, he also will include a shot to the groin

    Denver – Hooked on phonics used be Javale McGee.

  22. The Kings shock the basketball world by offering a fold-over ham sandwich and a warm Yoohoo for Andray Blatche

  23. Knicks- Jeremy Lin’s couch

  24. Bobcats – Any one from last season’s roster: when you’re the worst team in all of basketball, you won’t notice 1 knucklehead.

  25. “Phoenix Suns — Sebastian Telfair”…. well done sir

  26. Andy Miller, Blatche’s agent, asked his client what the minimum he’d be willing to sign for is. Allegedly, after concentrating for several minutes, Blatche handed him a piece of paper with the words ‘NEW BRAN’ written in red crayon.
    Only after securing a 2-year deal with the D-League’s Canton Charge in exchange for a skid containing 84 boxes of Kellogg’s Bran Flakes™ did Miller realize that Blatche had misspelled ‘brain’.

  27. Spurs: A swift kick in the nuts by Timmy D and Pop.

  28. Raptors : Steve Nash Raptors bobble head and clean up spot on the Rounders

  29. The bobcaygeon bears are offering a 6 litre gas tank and their only tim hortins in town so I think we gotta winner

  30. The lakers offered 2 shoelaces and a vomit bag

  31. Lakers – offering a collection of kobes pubes since he entered the NBA actual worth more then Albert Pujols 240 million dollar contract

  32. I wonder if there’s a minimum amount a team has to bid. If there isn’t someone has got to bid a dollar and win with that bid

  33. The Kings could make Washington, DC the capital of California. Wouldn’t make a difference.

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