As we all know, the Nets moved to Brooklyn, no doy. And as we also all know, that means there are now two New York basketball teams, which could lead to some Western themed “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us” video promos during games betwixt the two franchises, even though the town is a city and it is definitely big enough for the both of them. C’est la vie.

However, since the Nets have moved, even if said move was only 13 miles, they need a proper introduction in their new city. Not surprisingly, the team is doing just that, plastering billboards across the city announcing their arrival and introducing Brooklyn to their players with a campaign called “Core Four” that includes some biographical information about each of the four players featured in the ads. From ESPN:

• ”Hello Brooklyn. I’m #8, Deron Williams, three-time NBA All-Star and father of four.”

• ”Hello Brooklyn, I’m #7, Joe Johnson, six-time NBA All-Star and lifelong Razorback.”

• ”Hello Brooklyn, I’m #11, Brook Lopez, 20-point scorer and Batman’s biggest fan.”

• ”Hello Brooklyn, I’m #45, Gerald Wallace, All-NBA Defender and offseason fisherman.”

First of all, haha to all of these — cool facts. Second of all, Brook Lopez’s is 100 percent perfect and can only be made better by reading it in his voice. Third of all, way to be boring forever, Joe Johnson. Fourth of all, “offseason fisherman.”

Fifth of all, let’s write some of these to accurately reflect what Brooklynites really need to know about their incoming players.

  • “Hello Brooklyn. I’m #8, Deron Williams, three-time NBA All-Star and owner of the league’s worst haircut.”
  • “Hello Brooklyn, I’m #7, Joe Johnson, six-time NBA All-Star and you will never see me smile.”
  • “Suuuuuuup Brooklyn, I’m #11, Brook Lopez, and like, basketball is pretty flippin’ cool, just like chillin’ with my bros and gettin’ squirrelly with some cheese puffs..”
  • “Hello Brooklyn, I’m #45, Gerald Wallace, the scariest of all Nets.”
  • “Hello Brooklyn, I’m #6, Keith Bogans, and you are going to hate it if I play more than three minutes per game.”
  • “Hello Brooklyn, I’m #9, Marshon Brooks, and my face is unbelievably small.”
  • “Hello Brooklyn, I’m #30, Reggie Evans. Watch your nuts.”
  • “Hello Brooklyn, I’m #43, Kris Humphries, and I know you already hate me…”
  • “Hello Brooklyn, I’m #42, Jerry Stackhouse, national anthem singer, living fossil and running joke.”
  • “Здраво Бруклин, ја сам # 12, Мirza Teletovic, моје омиљено јело је сушени пасуљ.”
  • “Hello Brooklyn, I’m #32, C.J. Watson, and I often make bad decisions, both on the basketball court and with my facial hair.”
  • “Hello Brooklyn, I’m #10, Tyshawn Taylor, which is three different first names.”

As you can see, this is the type of marketing campaign that really has legs. In fact, I encourage you to add your own in the comments. Here’s the Nets’ roster. Go crazy.