Carmelo Anthony, a 28-year-old grown man who was criticized by his coach for being out of shape last season, wants everybody to know that when the rigors of an NBA game have ravaged his body, leaving him exhausted and in need of vital nutrients, he reaches for a bottle of chocolate milk. Yes, really. Dude loves his chocky milky.
I guess he read that study about it’s positive effects. You know, the one produced by the National Dairy Council, who might have the tiniest bit of bias when it comes to wanting people to drink more milk. You know, the one not everyone agrees with.
But whatever. If a grown man wants to mix equal parts chocolate syrup and whole milk for a post-game snack when he’s chilling with his teammates in the locker room — “Hey LeBron, you want a bottle of chocolate milk? No? OK, just let me know if you change your mind.” — after a tough game against Tunisia, that’s his prerogative. I prefer a huge bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, which I’m sure offers the exact same health benefits as chocolate milk. Carmelo Anthony can eat and drink whatever he wants after a game, just as long as we all remember he’s been in the pockets of Big Milk since the very beginning.
Big Milk’s reach is vast and unknown, so it’s best to assume they have their hands in everything. Just remember that the next time you see an NBA superstar preaching the benefits of one of their drinks in a probably-a-little-too-dramatic-since-it’s-about-milk commercial. Constant vigilance.