There are a lot of different revenue streams that NBA players have access to, depending on their level of fame. Shoe endorsements, awkward overseas commercials, overpriced restaurants where people only eat once because of the name and then realize it’s not really that great — you know, the hits. But there is perhaps none funnier than the children’s book, which we’ve seen from guys like Chris Paul and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

But now we have a new name to add to that esteemed list: Amar’e Stoudemire. His book, “STAT: Standing Tall and Talented” (of course),” comes out August 1. Here’s the synopsis from Amazon:

Eleven-year-old Amar’e Stoudemire has a lot going on. He loves to go skateboarding in the park. He takes his school work very seriously. He helps out with his dad’s landscaping company. And he likes to play basketball with his best friends — but just for fun.

When a group of older kids start disrespecting his boys on their neighborhood basketball court, there is only one solution. Amar’e must step in and use his athletic ability and intelligence to save the day. This experience leads Amar’e to realize that basketball is his true passion.

Based on the life of All-Star NBA sensation Amar’e Stoudemire, who overcame many obstacles to become one of the most popular figures in sports today.

This sounds great. Everybody knows there is no better way to stand up to bullies than by basketballing them in the faces while also using your intelligence. That’s what Will Smith did and he’s the biggest star on Earth.

The best part of this, however, is that it’s just the first in the series, which promises to be “based on the life” of Amar’e Stoudemire. That means there will be more of these and that means we’ll eventually get childrenized tales of arthroscopic knee surgery, explorations of Jewish faith that may or may not be real, how to pick the right Oakleys when you get poked in the eye too many times, what it’s like to deal with selfish people (a bully named Charbello which is a total coincidence), the benefits of cutting the sleeves off of your jean jacket and, of course, the tale of an arduous recovery after punching a fire extinguisher. Sounds like an amazing series, since all of these events will somehow save the day.

Of course, once Amar’e's book is published, Carmelo Anthony will want his own book. Call me crazy, but I can’t wait for the release of “Chuckin’ and Chocolate: The Carmelo Anthony Story.”

Comments (7)

  1. You guys have read Amar’es biography, right?
    He overcame a downright tragic childhood, homeless at times, with an incarcerated father he never met (violent crimes) , a mother in and out of jail (for prostitution among other things) a brother lost to the streets.

    If anyone should have a childrens book about overcoming problems, its him.

    • True, but the book doesn’t seem like it mentions overcoming those issues. It drops the incarcerated father for one who has a landscaping business. And instead of being homeless, he’s skateboarding.

      One of the problems of children’s books is that if you want to make it with a message that could help out kids in bad situations who are doing it tough, they take the real-world problems out of it and substitute it with magical powers or some stuff like that.

      • Here’s the thing though: you need white people to buy it, to make money. That ain’t happening if dude doesn’t have a dad, and he spends all day on the streets homeless.

  2. AY OHHHH !

    i love you guys btw

  3. ….and a COOOL STOORYY BROOOOO

  4. the book is really funny

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