I mean, that’s the only logical explanation for this double breasted blazer, club collar dress shirt and rep tie look that is topped off with a beret, isn’t it? It feels like just looking at them for too long is going to get somebody pushed in to a fountain or have their lunch trays smacked out of their hands, spilling salisbury steak everywhere and making them look like idiots.
But seriously, these are the actual United States opening ceremony outfits and they’re going to make everyone on Team USA look like the bad guy in an ’80s movie. As you can tell from that totally inconspicuous horsey, the kits are made by Ralph Lauren, which in turn means you can buy it all online. $55 for the hat, $795 for the blazer, $89.50 for the shirt, $125 for the tie, plus $295 for the white pants and $165 for the white bucks that you can’t see. That means you’re dropping a measly $1,359.50 to look like an extra from “The Great Gatsby,” and that’s if you don’t pick up the scarf ($58) and newsboy cap ($55) that are also being offered. And really, if you’re spending that much money, you should really pick up those two things too, just to complete the look.
Really though, the main thing Team USA needs to worry about is these outfits inspire a “Revenge of the Nerds” scenario. At least one of the guys on France looks really dorky, so they need to be extra careful.