When you are an NBA ownership group who is broke because you decided to build a massive Las Vegas hotel immediately before the economic recession, you’ll take any sort of sponsorship deal you can get. I speak, of course, of the Sacramento Kings, who played basketball in an arena that was literally called Power Balance Pavilion for the entirety of last season. When you’re running out of money like the Maloofs are, you’ll even let a sham company that’s also going bankrupt put their name on your stadium, as long as they can pay the bills.

Of course, part of the whole “going bankrupt” thing is that they can’t pay the bills. That’s why the Kings are searching out a new naming rights deal. From the look of things, they’re gearing up for another hilarious sponsor. From the Sacramento Bee:

Power Balance Pavilion is likely to get renamed soon – and it could get named for the Sleep Train retail chain.

Sacramento Kings co-owner Joe Maloof said today the team is negotiating with several potential naming rights partners to replace Power Balance, the sports-wristband company that severed its contract with the team after filing for bankruptcy.

Maloof said he didn’t know the names of any of the potential partners. But Dale Carlsen, founder and chief executive of Sleep Train, said the Rocklin retailer has had talks with the team.

Carlsen said “I can’t say that we’re close to making a deal,” but his company views a naming-rights agreement as something of a community service.

Seriously, the Kings could possibly be playing in a place called something like the Sleep Train Mattress Center. For real. This would instantly become the funniest arena name in the league, maybe in its history, rivaled only by Golden State’s Cow Palace. Other teams are sponsored by airlines, major telecomm companies and banks. The Kings could be sponsored by a local mattress store.

But hey, if the Maloofs need money, we should help them out. Anything to keep the Kings in Sacramento. So with that in mind, here are some potential sponsorships the team could pursue that seem to be along the lines of companies they’ve been attracting.

  • Jamba Juice Gym
  • Mainway Toys presents the Bag O’ Glass Arena
  • Spalding Sports Stadium
  • Metamucial Coliseum
  • Golden Coins Family Restaurant Basketball Court
  • Lizzies’ Roadside Lemonade Stand Forum
  • House of Angels Midtown Psychic Center
  • Hydrex Pest Control Arena
  • Lucky Buddy Pet Care Place

If they’ve got the money, the Kings are for the booking. The Maloofs will take anything, especially since it’s super hard to sell naming rights while you’re actively trying to leave the city. Heck, I’m sure if all of us raised enough money, we could convince them to call it The Basketball Jones Arena. Just something to think about when you’re making charitable donations at the end of the year. Feel free to add your terrible Kings arena names in the comments.

Comments (19)

  1. The Thunder From Down Under Dome

  2. Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag Arena

  3. If this means I have to hear more of the Sleep Train jingle I’m going on an interstate murdering rampage: http://youtu.be/84xfpeG07dM

  4. The Kevin Johnson for 2014 arena. ( KJ has done everything else to keep them there, why not this too? Kudos to KJ)

    Disneyland center (might as well get a jump on the competition before it inevitably moves to Anaheim)

  5. Chick-Fil-A Center
    Or, because they’ll need a bailout to keep the arena open,
    Federal Reserve Forum

  6. There are two other venues in N California that are tagged by “Sleep Train”. Sleep Train Amphitheatre and Sleep Train Pavilion.

    http://www.sleeptrain.com/sleep-train-concerts.aspx

  7. TBJ Palace … or The BJ Palace

    • hahaha :D and maybe they can move south, so to speak, so it would be The BJ Palace, home of the San Francisco Kings.
      on second thought, The BJ Palace works pretty well in Sac-town, with Analheim a close second.

  8. “Nope! It’s Chuck Testa Sports Center”

    http://youtu.be/LJP1DphOWPs

  9. How is this any “funnier” than Staples Center, Office Depot Center, Gaylord Entertainment Center, Gillette Stadium, Heinz Field, PETCO Park, Target Center, Tropicana Field or any other host of corporate sell-out names? Could be much worse…how about naming it something BIG sounding like Enron Field or BankOne Ball Park? I’m not getting how a mattress company is any “funnier” than the rest…pun intended.

    • I was gonna say Staples, too. The most glamorous arena in sports (Cowboy Stadium can have 10 JumboJumboTrons, it’s still in Arlington) is named after an office-supplies chain.

  10. Spalding sports stadium isn’t half bad, actually…

  11. That’s that mattress man.

  12. Better than Pull-a-Train Arena.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *