Neighbor 1: Did you hear we won gold in basketball?

Neighbor 2: Oh really? That’s cool. Doesn’t that guy down the street play basketball?

Neighbor 1: Yeah! You’re right. We should do something for him.

Neighbor 2: Totally.

Neighbor 1: But what? What are we going to be able to do for a millionaire athlete?

Neighbor 2: I dunno. Maybe like a sign or something? We’ve got a really nice printer from when I was running the scrapbooking club. Do you remember that?

Neighbor 1: Of course. So much fun. How come we don’t do that any more?

Neighbor 2: It just got be such a hassle always having to go to Hobby Lobby to find those little cutout starbursts and decorations. And we got a new digital camera, so I just put everything on Facebook now anyways.

Neighbor 1: Well, that makes sense.

Neighbor 2: Doesn’t it? Anyways, you’ve got that nice printer and I have some extra long paper that Hank bought in storage somewhere. I guess we could use that.

Neighbor 1: Good idea. What should it say though?

Neighbor 2: Oh … I don’t know. Congratulations?

Neighbor 1: Yeah, I guess. Maybe like “Thank you?’

Neighbor 2: I like that. I like that a lot. Then he knows how much we appreciate him being in the neighborhood and doing something for his country.

Neighbor 1: Oh my gosh, Marie, have you seen his little boy? So cute.

Neighbor 2: SO cute. He is the cutest.

Neighbor 1: You’re telling me. Grab that paper and come by the office real quick. We’ll whip something up.

Neighbor 2: OK. I’ve only got like five minutes though.

Neighbor 1: This shouldn’t even take that long, I don’t think.

(Marie grabs the long paper, then heads to Megan’s house. They go to the office.)

Neighbor 1: OK, the paper is loaded. I think I still have that desktop publishing program somewhere … yep, here it is. So, something like “Thanks Chris?”

Neighbor 2: I’d mention the gold medal and America too.

Neighbor 1: Yeah, good. How about “Thanks Chris for winning gold for America?”

Neighbor 2: I like it.

Neighbor 1: Should “gold” be capitalized?

Neighbor 2: Hmmmm … I’m not sure. It’s not a proper noun.

Neighbor 1: But it is a trophy. They always capitalize Golden Globes in People.

Neighbor 2: You’re right. Capitalize it.

Neighbor 1: Alright. So “Thanks Chris for winning Gold for America.” Look good?

Neighbor 2: Oooooooh, put that it’s from his neighbors.

Neighbor 1: Our names? That’s gauche, Marie.

Neighbor 2: Then just put “your neighbors.” He needs to know it’s from us.

Neighbor 1: You’re right. They just moved here and I already like them more than that singer girl that was always skating in the driveway.

Neighbor 2: Ugh. That music she was playing was awful.

Neighbor 1: Alright, let me print this really quick. “Thanks Chris for winning Gold for America! ~ Your neighbors.” Look good?

Neighbor 2: Can you do like an American flag background?

Neighbor 1: Of course. (clicks some stuff) There. You like it?

Neighbor 2: OK, let’s print it. I’ve got an old John McCain sign in the garage. I think it’s pretty easy to take apart. We can use that to put it in their yard.

Neighbor 1: Great. Meet you in the yard.

(Marie disassembles her John McCain sign while Megan prints. They meet in Chris Paul’s front yard.)

Neighbor 2: I brought some tape.

Neighbor 1: You think of everything. Let’s tape this up real quick.

Neighbor 2: Yep. (hands Megan a strip of tape, fiddles with her side) There we go. Does that look straight?

Neighbor 1: Close enough. You’ve got to get going to soccer practice.

Neighbor 2: Yep. Tryouts today. Kristephanie is really nervous.

Neighbor 1: Oh, she’ll make it. I always see her in the yard kicking that ball around. Tell her good luck from me.

Neighbor 2: Thanks, Megan. Help me push this in.

(The two ladies push the sign in the yard.)

Neighbor 1: Wow. That looks great.

Neighbor 2: He’s going to love it. Teamwork! (they high five)

Neighbor 1: Yeah, thanks for your help, Marie. See you Sunday for “True Blood.”

Neighbor 2: Can’t wait for our weekly dose of Eric. Meee-owwww. Bye!

Comments (19)

  1. Wow. It’s like I was there while this was taking place.

  2. ……….Kristephanie………..

  3. Sometimes I think Trey Kerby is a goddamn fool
    Then he does something like this
    …And TOTALLY redeems himself.

  4. I imagine that this is what first-season betty draper would be like if she lived in today’s wherever-CP3-dwells county

  5. This is pretty great, Trey. I’m going to go out on a limb and guarantee that Chris’ neighbours watched 110% more dressage than basketball.

  6. Just out of topic, you guys might want to report about this…

  7. I almost watched more dressage than basketball, but that was about the programming on German TV more than interest. Though, horses are amazing animals. Nice job by The Neighbors and live reporting Trey Kerby here.

    • Yes, horses are amazing animals and athletes, but they don’t give the horses the medals do they?! To paraphrase Tas (on the steeplechase!) we don’t even know where the horse is from!

  8. … That actually sounds like a legit story

  9. Why didn’t Marie decorate the sign with Hank’s minerals?

  10. once this reached a second page I wish Taco Trey had stretched it to a ridiculous three pages, maybe talking about block parties or sidewalk sales with the Paul’s, maybe garden cub meetings, yard of the month ect…go deeper I want more for some reason

  11. That was pretty great… Reading it was very fulfilling.

  12. Chris Paul won “the Gold” not just “Gold”. Apparently his neighbors really wanted to make the distinction.

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