I don’t know if this has anything to do with the return of “Shark Tank” — or if “Shark Tank” is even starting a new season, to be honest — but I am very much enjoying Mark Cuban’s media tour that he seems to be on right now. He’s said he’s not going to retire Jason Kidd’s jersey because he’s mad he left the Mavericks, he said the Mavericks are better off without Deron Williams even though they would have loved to have signed him this summer, and now, he’s dropped the most hilarious bombshell of the offseason.

From the Dallas Morning News:

“When I was doing Dancing with the Stars, I was taking breaks because I was talking to Kobe’s agent because Kobe wanted to get traded,” Cuban explained on the Ben and Skin Show on 103.3 [KESN-FM]. “Literally, between Dancing with the Stars practices I had thought we traded for Kobe Bryant. I even talked to their owner and thought we were going to have done deal, and [Lakers GM] Mitch Kupchak changed [Kobe’s] mind and brought him back.”

The fact that the Mavericks almost traded for Kobe Bryant during his “Andrew Bynum is a big dummy” stage isn’t the funny thing, even though it’s certainly believable and isn’t nearly as awkward as Daryl Morey claiming the Rockets almost landed Dwight Howard, but the fact that Cuban was trying to swing the deal while taking breaks from “Dancing with the Stars” is just great.

CUT TO – INT. DANCE STUDIO

MARK CUBAN

Sorry, Kym. I’ve got to take this.

KYM JOHNSON

Mark! We’ve only got three days to nail the rumba. I’ve been working my whole life to perfect it and I’m not even there yet.

As he removes his dancing shoes, pulls down one of the straps of his unitard and reaches deep inside to remove a very sweaty cellular telephone:

MARK CUBAN

Yeah, and I’ve been trying to win a title for seven years. Seven years, Kym. Do you know how often a guy like Kobe Bryant is on the market?

KYM JOHNSON

No…

MARK CUBAN

Exactly. You don’t know. Kobe Bryant is never on the market. The rumba is always there. Kobe is not. I’m going to take this.

KYM JOHNSON

Fine.

FADE OUT

This guy, always working on TV shows and sometimes trying to make deals while doing it. ‘Tis the truest definition of multitasking. Though I wonder if Deron Williams reads something like this and gets extra mad that Cuban wouldn’t leave a “Shark Tank” filming to meet with him during free agency.

Probably not. I heard he voted for Marie Osmond anyways.

Comments (9)

  1. So did he actually think he would win a title with Kobe?

    • No, Kobe isn’t known for winning titles. He just would have had Dirk on his side. Bottom 10 team I’d say…….

  2. Doesn’t this mean he was “this close” to trading Dirk? I don’t think you can trade for Kobe without sending out Dirk. Just wonder who would have been involved.

    • Kobe would have been making close to $18M that year. Jerry Stackhouse ($9.3M) OR Jason Terry ($8.1M) plus Devin Harris ($3.2M), maybe? Throw in a Josh Howard ($1.7M) on his rookie contract & some filler or draft picks, and that could have been a possible package for Kobe alone. You know the Lakers would have for sure asked for a true PG in return (Devin Harris) after the Smush experiment.

      That would have been an awful return for an “in his scoring prime” Kobe.

      Salaries are my own rough estimates. Source: http://www.basketball-reference.com/teams/DAL/2007.html

  3. All of these stories were actually from the same hour long interview with Ben rogers and skin wade. The audio is linked on Ben’s Twitter, @benrogers. They asked him if the trade was Kobe for Dirk and he said Dirk wasn’t part of the trade. I dunno how believable that is though

    • I just tried on ESPN trade machine and it doesn’t seem possible. He can’t move Kaman and Mayo before December 15. Without those two, salaries just don’t work.

      • You would need to simulate ESPN’s Trade Machine from 2006-07. If Cubes actually tried to trade for Kobe, it would have been during that time period. Not this year.

        • OK I see. Then it could happen but I’m glad it didn’t. I wouldn’t want to see Dirk play second banana to Kobe.

  4. Not too happy at the moment with:
    1. Cuban’s recent load of bs (which this obviously is)
    2. His frequent vain attempts at seeking attention (for himself or his terrible programs)
    3. The way Cuban is basically bad-mouthing a Dallas team that won the title a few years later (especially with Terry and other now gone “trade pieces” being a key part to that success)
    4. Texan NBA basketball teams and their shitty off-season antics (San Antonio excluded)5. Trey’s complete lack of samba vs black mamba jokes
    Anagram for Mark Cuban- A Bum Crank.

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