Let’s say you’re the world’s biggest Phoenix Suns fun who also has a predilection for guttural yelps. Let’s further say that you have been looking for a way to express your inner animal, while also trying to honor your favorite team, who is the Phoenix Suns, as I mentioned. Let’s also further speculate that you are kind of hairy and have always identified with other hirsute creatures.

Assuming those three things are true, this is your lucky day. From the NBA team jobs website:

Mascot – Phoenix Suns (Phoenix, AZ)

Position summary: Be a world-class performer and ambassador for the Phoenix Suns organization both on the court and at appearances (charities, schools, hospitals, local businesses, etc.). Continue the great Gorilla “Go” tradition of making people smile, leaving them with long-lasting/positive memories, and representing the team with pride and passion. This is a full-time, salaried position reporting to our Vice President, Game Entertainment.

Yes, YOU could be the next Phoenix Suns Gorilla. Seriously. Maybe the most iconic mascot job in all of sports is up for grabs and it’s just being advertised online. This is the chance of a lifetime, assuming you want to be a primate for a job.

Let’s take a look at some of the responsibilities.

Essential duties and responsibilities:
• Perform at Phoenix Suns home games, select community and Suns events, domestic and international events booked by the NBA
• Represent the Phoenix Suns in a professional and appropriate manner at all times, inside and outside the suit
• Create new entertainment and recycle past successes for use at performances, including on-court skits/dances/stunts, in-stands interaction and improvisation, and off-site event entertainment
• Maintain an active calendar, and share, as needed, with necessary parties, such as the Mascot Coordinator, VP, Game Entertainment, and Director, Community Relations
• Purchase, manage, and maintain Go costumes, outfits, props, vehicles, and other items
• Schedule and oversee rehearsals, workouts, practice sessions, and any other extra-curricular activities pertaining to the Go program; maintain skills and physical fitness through regular usage of such activities
• Attend Annual NBA Mascot Conference, as well as other workshops and conventions, that may aid in creation of new materials, gather insight on new innovations and opportunities, and/or increase productivity and skills of position
• Assist in the creation and maintenance of Go website (www.sunsgorilla.com) and other social media (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, etc.); respond to fan mail, emails, and other requests directed to Go
• Regularly attend and contribute to department meetings, providing creative input, ideas and brainstorming

So not only do you have to dunk after jumping through fiery rings, you also have to go to meetings, keep a calendar and, I am guessing, update spreadsheets to track your gorilla progress. Who knew being a gorilla had such an office job component to it? Weird. I wonder if you have to wear the costume even when you’re just at the computer. Hope so.

If this sounds like you, go ahead and apply. The world needs the Phoenix Suns Gorilla as much as it needs anything else in the NBA. Just don’t forget that you’re in charge of the costumes and props. I’d start stocking up now, just in case you get the job.

And if you do get the job, try not to get in a fight at Dave and Buster’s. I don’t want to have to write this thing again in a year.

(via PBT)