Michael Jordan’s old credit card is going to be auctioned soon, meaning you can own the very piece of plastic that was used to buy a closet full of baggy dad jeans. So that is pretty cool, I guess.

And while you might not think it’s possible to buy anything with an expired credit card, well, don’t tell Michael Jordan there’s something he can’t do unless you want to end up in a Hall of Fame speech. The key, as you may have surmised, is to only buy things that would have been relevant back when the card was active, then hope they still hold up in 2012.

With that in mind, here’s a list of things you could buy today with Michael Jordan’s expired credit card.

  • Yellow sweater vest/gigantic untucked white dress shirt 2-for-1combination shirt
  • iPod Nano covers that look like wool socks
  • “Confessions of an Heiress,” Paris Hilton’s autobiography
  • Distressed military hat
  • Kwame Brown
  • Lot of 100 Livestrong bracelets (or lot of 100 Kabbalah red string bracelets)
  • Tickets to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour
  • “Napoleon Dynamite” on DVD
  • “Chappelle’s Show” season one box set
  • Anything off of the Britney Spears-Kevin Federline wedding registry
  • Opening night tickets to “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”
  • Trucker hats
  • Myspace stock
  • Black Eyed Peas “My Humps” CD single
  • Black Eyed Peas “Let’s Get It Started” CD single
  • Black Eyed Peas “Don’t Phunk with My Heart” CD single
  • Black Eyed Peas “Hey Mama” CD single
  • Good odds on who would be named the new pope
  • Gilbert Arenas All-Star jersey

So you see, having Michael Jordan’s expired credit card is definitely going to come in handy, as pretty much nothing here is going to seem dated in today’s day and age. And while this list is a very good start, you know Michael Jordan had a pretty massive credit line. Ergo, let’s hear some of your purchases in the comments.

(via Darren Brovell/Ball Don’t Lie)