Nicknames are hard, you guys. Even “Durantula,” a seemingly perfect nickname that was popularized by a Canadian basketball podcast, has encountered way more trouble than necessary. For whatever reason, coming up with a new something something to call a player for the rest of his career is almost impossible.

That’s why it’s understandable that Kevin Garnett would just call everybody “Youngin,” since realizing rookies are younger than him is way easier than putting any thought to actual nickitynames. Plus, as it turns out, he actually has reasons for calling everyone the same thing and even a few real nicknames with real reasons behind them. From the AP:

Jared Sullinger is “Sully.”

Dionte Christmas is “Temple,” because that’s where he went to college.

And Kevin Garnett calls Fab Melo “Melo” because “I don’t like really calling a man ‘Fab.’ ” [...]

“My personal connection is a nickname. I’m not disrespecting people by not knowing their names,” Garnett said. “Some people don’t even talk to rookies.”

OK, fair enough. At least he recognizes that these guys are real people, even if he doesn’t go to the trouble of knowing their names. And I guess it is weird calling another man “Fab” if you are 12 years old and/or completely deny the existence of the Fab Five or the Beatles or the drummer from The Strokes, so all of this makes sense.

And really, so does this.

“Most of the time, it’s just ‘Young’un,’ ” Sullinger said. “Knowing that he’s an NBA dinosaur, you’ve got to understand that being a ‘young’un’ is a good thing.”

I can’t believe that I am actually on Kevin Garnett’s side on this “Calling everyone Youngin” thing, but there is a strong case to be made that since KG has played 17 seasons, calling everyone Youngin is both a compliment and the easiest thing to do. I’m sold and I can’t imagine him coming up with a nickname that would ruin that.

Sullinger and Melo were first-round draft picks, with Kris Joseph coming in the second round. (Garnett calls Joseph “Shawn,” Christmas said, “because he reminds him of someone named Shawn.”)

Well, I’m back to not getting Kevin Garnett’s nicknames. “Shawn” because some guy looks like someone named Shawn? That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. It’s super funny and maybe my favorite new nickname in the NBA, but that doesn’t mean it makes any sense.

Understanding what was going through Kevin Garnett’s head was fun while it lasted, but I think we all knew it couldn’t last. Don’t worry about it though, because it’s pretty obvious that Kris Joseph looks more like a “Greg” anyways.

Comments (9)

  1. he does look like a guy named shawn… he kinda looks like my old high school friend named shawn, so i understand how the dino thinks..

  2. I like to think I’m the Shawn in question.

  3. hahaha yes. you’re welcome

  4. now i’m expecting the blog post pondering which dinosaur kg is and comparing other old players to dinosaurs,

  5. I appreciate your work on digging for the truth in this matter, Brad.

  6. I just assumed it was Shawn Bradley.

  7. Kris Joseph looks more like a “Greg”

    I hope not. ‘Greg’ is the worst name a basketball player can have. Look at this cavalcade of hoop horrors:

    your all-time Greg starting 5: PG) Anthony SG) Buckner SF) Minor PF) ‘Cadillac’ Anderson C) Ostertag

    And of Greg Oden was the greatest big man prospect in a generation but was no match for the Curse of Greg.

  8. If you look at Joseph closely, he looks like Shaun. That’s a spelling mistake on the AP’s side. Shaun the Sheep.

  9. My senior year of highschool this sophmore kid transfered to my school. We were both on the basketball team n he looked a lot like Ben Savage, best known for his role on 90s sitcom Boy Meets World as Cory Matthews. His 1st practice I was like “dude, u mind if I call you Cory?” And he tells me he does mind and that his name’s john. I still called him cory and everyone else started doing it.

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