For the first time in a few years, 76ers fans can be excited. No, not because they traded away a guy who could never live up to their lofty expectations. And no, not because they finally acquired a true franchise player who might not sign with the team long term and who might not be healthy anyways. And no, not even because Doug Collins has finally gone back to his fabulous bleached blond hair because he hasn’t. Yet.

No, the reason for Sixers fans to finally get pumped about going to basketball games is because the Sixers plan to be a record-setting team this season. Here’s your evidence, from a press release:

On opening night, the Sixers will unveil Big Bella, the world’s largest T-shirt launcher that fires 100 tees in just 60 seconds. Big Bella weighs 600 pounds and, when firing T-shirts into the upper reaches of the Wells Fargo Center, can be up to 10 feet high. The team commissioned the creation of Big Bella from FX in Motion, an entertainment elements company out of New Berlin, Wisc. The team will also drop T-shirts, free game tickets and other promotional items from the rafters of the Wells Fargo Center down to fans below in a new themed “Sixers Parachute Drop.”

If there is one sure-fire way to get your fans juiced, it’s by giving them free stuff during a game. That literally always gets people on their feet, as there is nothing quite so thrilling as getting a gigantic, cheap t-shirt that you’ll never wear. Knowing that, making the t-shirt launcher enormous and more powerful is pretty much the next logical step, not to mention the most American.

The next step, I guess, is some sort of t-shirt tank that rolls to half-court and just unloads t-shirt round after t-shirt round in to the crowd at speeds that are a just a bit too dangerous. Or maybe some sort of t-shirt smart bomb that explodes and covers the entire arena in t-shirts. I’m no t-shirt ballistics expert, so I’m just spitballing here. If you have any other t-shirt weapons ideas, I’d be happy to hear them.

For now though, let’s just let the Philadelphia fans enjoy their moment in the sun with “Big Bella.” Between the Phillies, Eagles and Bynum’s knee, this might be the best thing they’ve got going.

(via 700 Level)