I’m not going to try to explain this Kevin Garnett quote about the Celtics’ chemistry to you. I’m just going to put it out there and let you try to interpret it for yourself.

From WEEI:

“You can’t speed chemistry up,” said KG. “I think the more practice, the more you get familiar with each other. There’s no hit the fast forward button here. You’ve got Comcast. Some shows you can’t fast forward through. You’ve just got to let it go through and watch the silly ass commercials and be pissed, right? This is what this is.

“Did I just take a shot at Comcast? [Expletive] it, I did it. So what? I’m a DirecTV guy anyway. This is what this is. I’m not helping myself, am I? [Expletive] it. [Expletive] it. [Expletive] it. Who cares? Anyway, that’s what this is. We totally messed that up, right? Goddamned, we just totally messed that up. But this is one of those things where it just takes its course and you can’t speed anything up.”

Seriously though, he is right about this. When you’re watching something on demand and you can’t fast forward it, it sucks. If you wanted to watch commercials, you’d have watched it live. This is why you should always DVR stuff, because then nobody can tell you what you can and can’t fast forward through, like you’re John Locke and your living room is the island. That’s just a little pro tip for you TV heads out there.

Plus, he’s right about chemistry deciding when it has been properly mixed. There’s no way to force something like that, just like you can’t throw chemistry in a tortilla and call it dinner. (Or whatever. Unpacking Kevin Garnett metaphors is a fool’s errand.) It takes time to build familiarity and familiarity to build chemistry, so when you consider all the new pieces the Celtics have added — plus changing roles for guys like Rajon Rondo, Jeff Green and eventually Avery Bradley — it’s only natural that there’d be rocky patches in the early going. But they’ve got a ton of veterans who are used to figuring things out, a coach who understands how players relate to each other as well as anyone in the game and a clearly defined hierarchy that helps people fall in to line. They’ll figure it out.

Of course, since they’re Comcast, it’ll probably take forever for them to actually get things together. Then when they do, it won’t be totally right and they’ll have to reconfigure everything and that’ll be another huge hassle, plus you’ll never be able to get them on the phone. Then just when the TV works, their internet will go out and you’ll have to spend hours unplugging and replugging your modem, trying to get a signal. Eventually it’ll work, but the whole time their fans will keep threatening to switch to AT&T.