Midway through the third quarter of the Timberwolves’ big win in Dallas, Nikola Pekovic went down after rolling his left ankle on a poltergeist. Initially, I was confused because I thought it was impossible for a man made completely of granite to be injured, but when a replay was shown, you could clearly see an ankle turning while hearing everyone in Minnesota groaning at the exact same time.
As it turns out, my instincts were correct — it is actually impossible to hurt Nikola Pekovic. From the Star Tribune:
“I know,” Pekovic said of the fright he put into his teammates and fans watching back home when he went down in a painful heap. “I’m just glad it’s not bad. I didn’t hurt nothing, just a lot of pain. I’ll see how I feel tomorrow.”
Lest you think that “just a lot of pain” is an admission that Pekovic is indeed hurt — and the “I didn’t hurt nothing” doesn’t convince you — perhaps you will consider another quote he uttered post-ankle roll while assessing his mortality.
“I don’t use crutches,” Pekovic said as he limped along. “I’m fine without them.”
You see? Not only did he not hurt nothing, he also doesn’t need crutches because his ankle tendons are actually muscles that just need some extra flexing. Yes, he can feel pain, but that’s only so that he can relate to other humans. It’s called a tragic flaw. Alta Vista it.
Now I know you are probably thinking that Pekovic missed significant time thanks to bone spurs in his ankle last season, but even that doesn’t count since it’s actually his bones being so strong that they started growing extra bones. If that’s not the definition of a superhuman, I don’t know what is.