Your nose looks like a bell pepper.

Don’t you hate it when some new hotshot comes in to your new job, is better than you at it and won’t even take the bait when you try and get them off their game with a little cutthroat trash talk? We’ve all been there — from librarians to cops to professional basketball players. If we can’t trash talk our colleagues, what’s the point?

Well, that’s what Kobe Bryant thinks anyways. In a really great piece by Jackie MacMullan at ESPN, Kobe laments the change in trash talk culture over the past couple of generations.

“They don’t seem to want to talk any trash,” Kobe shrugged. “I say everything to LeBron. He says nothing back. He just laughs. There’s no banter back and forth. I guess it’s a generational thing. When I first came into the league, the trash talk was downright cutthroat.”

I know we joke around a lot about “I would pay some money for an unedited audio feed about such and such a player,” but I really don’t think you can put a price on hearing all the insults Kobe Bryant hurls at LeBron James during their matchups. It doesn’t take a genius to realize Kobe could come up with some pretty vile stuff, should the situation call for it. He’s not shy about speaking his mind or using profanity to the media, so imagine what he can dream up while on a basketball court.

Better yet — don’t. There’s no need for those disturbing images in your mind. Unless you have LeBron James’ nerves of steel, you probably can’t handle it. It’s probably for the best to just forget this ever happened, unless you want to spend the next six months hiding from your own shadow.