Getting a nickname in the NBA is a pretty big deal. For whatever reason, once a teammate bestows a nickname upon you, you’ve made it. You’re one of the guys.

And when it comes to guy-makers, the Utah Jazz’s Al Jefferson might be the league’s best. Just look at these gems, courtesy of a DeMarre Carrroll interview with ESPN:

Best nickname: “Enes Kanter. They call him Big Turkey. He’s from there, and Al [Jefferson] started calling him that because one day he was just eating turkey. Pretty much everyone on the team has got a nickname. Everyone calls me The Junkyard Dog.”

Funniest: “Al Jefferson. He’s just cracking jokes all the time, especially at Enes Kanter. He gave me the nickname Mophead because my hair is like a mop. He says, ‘Hey, Mophead, come here!’ It’s pretty funny.”

I think I understand Al Jefferson’s nomenclature — see something, come up with a nickname based on what you just saw. Pretty simple really. In fact, it’s actually very easy to create a set of nicknames for all the rest of the Jazz, so I did.

  • Al Jefferson — Big Bed, because he has a big bed.
  • Paul Millsap — Sappy, because it says “Millsap” on the back of his jersey.
  • Randy Foye — Flipper, because all his internal organs are on the opposite sides of his body.
  • Gordon Hayward — Boy, because he looks like a boy.
  • Derrick Favors — Cool Hat, because he had that one cool hat.
  • Marvin Williams — V, because he looks like the “V for Vendetta” mask when he smiles.
  • Mo Williams — Peanut Head, because he has a tiny head.
  • Alec Burks — Alex, because that’s what his name sounds like.
  • Jamaal Tinsley — Stubbs, because he always has stubble.
  • Earl Watson — Baby, because Jeremy Evans drew him as a baby once.
  • Jeremy Evans — Stick, because he’s built like a stick.
  • Kevin Murphy — Murph, because that’s what you call anyone who has the last name “Murphy.”

Super easy, you guys. Feel free to add yours in the comments below, for any NBA player. Go nuts. Just make sure Al Jefferson would approve.