Odds are you either have wood floors, know someone who does or understand the general concept of those particular household finishings. Furthermore, if you know about the wood floors, you probably know that sliding around on them in socks is both a) fun and b) inevitable. After all, we’ve all seen “Risky Business” or the “Risky Business” rip-off episode of “Saved By the Bell.” At this point, slip-slidin’ away in stocking feet is a pretty well-known phenomenon.

So if everyone knows how slippery it is to wear socks on hardwood, why doesn’t everyone love Gerald Green’s between-the-legs slam while in socks from the 2008 dunk contest? It was a question five years in the making.

TBJ: Do you think people don’t understand how hard it is to dunk in your socks?

Green: Yeah, you’re right. People really didn’t understand that when I first did it. I always tell people, “Man, go try it yourself and you’ll see how hard it is.” At worst they’re gonna try it and they’ll say, “Man, it’s hard.”

I just think that maybe I didn’t prepare that right, to kind of let people know first, set it up right. That’s when I knew the dunk contest was changing and how you have to prepare to do it, so I’m well prepared now.

Not to quibble with Gerald Green, but I think “at worst” we’re talking about a lot of busted skulls if everyone who thinks it’s easy to dunk after jumping off a hardwood floor while wearing just socks tries to dunk while wearing just socks. Safety first, guys.

But what he’s getting at is totally right — doing anything in socks while on a wood floor is almost impossible. I’ve had quite a few close calls around the ottoman while I’m chasing Yams around in my socks. And yeah, maybe I have fallen back in to bed after taking a wrong step after a cozy, sock-footed night in bed. So what? We’ve all been there, which is why we all should have been like, “Whoa. Gerald Green just went between his legs in his socks.”

Personally, I blame Magic Johnson, who immediately said, “But why he do the same dunk though?” after Green had thrown down his final dunk and kind of failed to mention how hard it is to move around when you’re in your socks. Oh, and also Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith for making shoe jokes for the next half-minute like they possess some sort of ninja-like balance that makes them pros in sock walking. Because when fan voting decides the contest’s winner like it did in 2008, having three commentators totally miss the point of a dunk kind of kills any buzz it might have had. C’est la vie.

That being said, the second half of the quote is pretty encouraging. Even though people not getting what he was doing might have cost him that year’s title, now he knows what he needs to do to really destroy this time around. Because seriously, that little “I’m well-prepared now” is a nice bit of pre-contest trash talk. Tonight is going to be awesome.

Comments (1)

  1. I don’t get how people wear socks to bed. Don’t your feet get so hot?

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