Have you always hated Kobe Bryant calling himself “Black Mamba” and wished someone would come up with new nickname for him, preferably one he earned? If so, then today is kind of your lucky day, as Kobe Bryant has finally come up with a new nickname for himself. Finally.

From ESPN:

“I was in my coffin a few years ago,” Bryant said, gladly reminding the media that plenty of the pundits and scribes out there have soiled hands from prematurely throwing dirt on his grave. “Vino is out of the barrel.”

“Vino” is the new nickname Bryant adopted after a writer for his advertising agency called him it in a text after Bryant had three highlight reel variety dunks Thursday against Minnesota.

Well that explains why Kobe has been throwing “#Vino” on so many of his tweets and also why he pairs so well with red meat — he is like a fine wine in that he is aging well. Just like “Black Mamba,” it’s a nickname that makes sense, which is first and foremost what you are looking for in a nickname. I mean, people are always saying that nicknames are too exaggerate-y. Like is Vince Carter really half-amazing? No, because then he would be dead. Oh, and Shawn Marion isn’t a computer program designed to simulate the real world either.

But there’s one more thing Kobe’s new nickname has in common with Black Mamba — no one is going to use it and we’ll just keep calling him by his first name. More like Vi-nope. Nice try though.

Comments (22)

  1. I really wish that people would stop using Black Mamba, but unfortunately I live in Los Angeles where people actually DO call him that about 25% of the time.

  2. Somebody sounds bitter

  3. #CountonTreyBeingSnarky

  4. Flaming EGO

    Thats the new nickname.

  5. I really hope that “why he pairs so well with red meat” was a Kobe beef pun. If so, well done Kerbs.


  7. The announcer on danish TV uses Black Mamba all the time,

  8. How about the “RAMADA RECTUM RECKA’”

  9. I have a “new nickname” for Bryant. How about Kobe ‘Asshole” Bryant? So tired of his jibberjabber!

  10. I call him “The Butcher” due to the effect he has on an offense and/or a serious conversation.

    The whole “Kobe beef” thing just feeds into that notion.

  11. Self-provided nicknames = The worst nicknames

    and having to explain the nickname in great detail doesn’t help

  12. Why do the best players always have to be the biggest douches?

    • Thats part of what makes em the best.

    • Well… Magic Johnson seems like an alright guy, to say the least.

      • Except for the part where he appeared to be good friends with Isiah Thomas (who was a fierce supporter of Magic in league circles post-HIV) for decades before revealing in a book a few years ago that he never liked Zeke. Magic was the Lakers’ first snake.

  13. I find “Kobe” to be self explanatory.

  14. what a hater this writer

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