Despite standing 6-foot-10 for the entirety of his nine-year NBA career, Matt Bonner has blocked just 187 shots in 624 regular season games. That’s good for a 0.3 blocks per game average, and that’s why it’s crazy that Bonner blocked a career-high four shots during Saturday night’s win against the Hawks. I guess even a blind squirrel blocks a shot sometimes.
But if we’re living in a new world where Matt Bonner blocks four shots a night, some things are going to need to change. First up on the docket, finding Bonner an appropriate catchphrase for when he blocks a shot, which he’s going to be doing a lot of from now on. From the San Antonio Express-News:
Those hoping for the 33-year-old Bonner to parlay his newfound shot-blocking prowess into commercial stardom, a la Dikembe Mutombo, need not hold their breath.
“I just don’t have a good punchline,” Bonner said. “It’s like (pantomimes blocking a shot), ‘I’m so sorry.’?”
I actually kind of like “I’m so sorry.” It’s innovative, since no one else apologizes for their blocks, as far as I can tell. It’s witty. And it’s such a nice and polite thing to say that I wouldn’t be surprised if it pushed Bonner’s Canadian citizenship straight through parliament.
However, Bonner doesn’t like it. And that’s where we come in. There’s no doubt in my mind that we, the internet, can figure out something better for Matt Bonner to say after he blocks all these shots. I mean, if the internet can take him all the way to second place in the three-point contest, it should be able to come up with a Bonner-appropriate zing for whenever he blocks a shot. I have faith.
- Live free or die.
- …and I’m wearing New Balances.
- You’ve just been Bonnered.
- Hi, I’m Coach B.
- I’ll give you credibility.
- You need to grow. Really tall.
These are obviously just a jumping off point — even though I feel like Bon-NOPE! is a perfect fit — so please go crazy in the comments. Matt Bonner needs your help and he’s not used to being let down by the internet. Make it count.