matt-bonner-shot-block

Despite standing 6-foot-10 for the entirety of his nine-year NBA career, Matt Bonner has blocked just 187 shots in 624 regular season games. That’s good for a 0.3 blocks per game average, and that’s why it’s crazy that Bonner blocked a career-high four shots during Saturday night’s win against the Hawks. I guess even a blind squirrel blocks a shot sometimes.

But if we’re living in a new world where Matt Bonner blocks four shots a night, some things are going to need to change. First up on the docket, finding Bonner an appropriate catchphrase for when he blocks a shot, which he’s going to be doing a lot of from now on. From the San Antonio Express-News:

Those hoping for the 33-year-old Bonner to parlay his newfound shot-blocking prowess into commercial stardom, a la Dikembe Mutombo, need not hold their breath.

“I just don’t have a good punchline,” Bonner said. “It’s like (pantomimes blocking a shot), ‘I’m so sorry.’?”

I actually kind of like “I’m so sorry.” It’s innovative, since no one else apologizes for their blocks, as far as I can tell. It’s witty. And it’s such a nice and polite thing to say that I wouldn’t be surprised if it pushed Bonner’s Canadian citizenship straight through parliament.

However, Bonner doesn’t like it. And that’s where we come in. There’s no doubt in my mind that we, the internet, can figure out something better for Matt Bonner to say after he blocks all these shots. I mean, if the internet can take him all the way to second place in the three-point contest, it should be able to come up with a Bonner-appropriate zing for whenever he blocks a shot. I have faith.

Some ideas:

  • Bon-NOPE!
  • Live free or die.
  • …and I’m wearing New Balances.
  • You’ve just been Bonnered.
  • Hi, I’m Coach B.
  • I’ll give you credibility.
  • You need to grow. Really tall.

These are obviously just a jumping off point — even though I feel like Bon-NOPE! is a perfect fit — so please go crazy in the comments. Matt Bonner needs your help and he’s not used to being let down by the internet. Make it count.

Comments (42)

  1. How about ‘Matty BOOM!’ ?

  2. “Red light!”

    Probably not, but there has to be something about his hair that would fit.

    Or you could go with “Now make me a sandwich!”

  3. Bonner-ROOOOO!

    Scarlet Fever!

    Ouch, my hand!

    Whaaaa?!?!?!

    MATTITUDE!

  4. Bon-ner Voyage

    Bonnerfied!

  5. bon appétit

    bonhomme de rouge

  6. I like a play on Red Rocket… perhaps: “Red STOP IT.”

    Also, I think it would really throw the opposition out of whack if he just yelled, “NEW HAMPSHIRE!”

    • How about just “It’s Red Rocket time” along with a pelvic thrust. It’s gross, he references his name, it’s offensive — it’s perfect.

    • LOL. You had in me stitches at NEW HAMPSHIRE!!!!!!!!!! Everyone would be WTF.

  7. surely it has to be Boned.

    I mean it follows on from Reject-ed or deni-ed

    and given it’s to be some sort of humiliation, which athlete wants to be told that they were Boned.

  8. “GINGER SNAP!”

  9. Bon essai.

    Bon travail, Bon effort.

  10. “LIVE FREE OR DIE!”

  11. live free or die!!! (gives props to his NH upbringing)

  12. “i’m so sorry” is actually perfect, the reverse punchline is hilarious and unique – kind of like matt bonner

  13. each blocked shot is a “Bonner Goner”

  14. Matty-BLOCK (Mighty-Block)

    You got BONNERED

  15. YOU GOT RED-JECTED!

  16. When he blocks a shot I get a Bonner

  17. I dig “I’m so sorry” and the like: “Pardon me”, “Can I borrow that?”, “You’re doing very well.”

    Or, when he’s feeling testy: “Coach B says no!”

  18. I also support BONED! (‘ginger snap’ also sounds great, but not like sth you’d say around heterosexual nba guys a lot)

    alas, he’ll never have commercial success with a word so close to ‘boner’…

    he’s born in concord, NH, so ‘Flight of the Concord!’ seems obvious, although it doesn’t make any sense.

    maybe it should be something equally polite as “I’m sorry” but more appropriate:
    “Better Luck Next Time!” maybe? it sure sounds like a catchphrase… kinda meh though.

  19. Better red than dead!

  20. Like I said on Facebook, Bonner + Blocked = BONKED!

    You got BONKED, bitch!

  21. CHECK THE TTC SCHEDULE

  22. bon na na na, bon na na na hey hey hey good bye

  23. The Bonnerable Judge Matt presides

  24. He should just call out the first sandwich he could think of. Since the blocks are rare, each could have an individual name… HOAGIE! CLUB! FRENCH DIP!

  25. He should just yell “SPURS!”

  26. “FUNdamentals!” in honor of his Coach B, and his nickname ‘the Medium Fundamental”

  27. REDRUM’D

    blah

  28. Excuse My Reach!

  29. “That was statistically improbable!”

  30. “Not in these parts”

  31. I blocked something! YAY!

  32. Red Swipe! Hooray Block!

  33. COCK BLOCKED!!!!!!!!

  34. My man Bonner has hops. Look at his head almost at the same level as the rim.

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