IMPORTANT INDIEGOGO ALERT:

[Despite] impressive game after game, [Chandler] Parsons is making less than a million dollars a year. And he’s more or less locked into this contract for another two seasons. Grantland founder Bill Simmons called Parsons’ contract one of the best bargains in the NBA.

I ask, a bargain for who?

At a salary of $888,250 this year, Parsons barely takes home $10,000 a game. And that’s before legal fees, agent fees, and taxes. At an average of 15 points/game — Chandler is earning roughly $666 a point. For a little helping of context: Kobe Bryant makes 27.8 million a year which averages out to about $339,000 a game. If Kobe made $666/point, he would need to average 509 points per game to match Parsons’ efficiency.

To make matters worse, mere weeks away from the playoffs, Chandler has been stricken with both a strained calf, food poisoning, and a crushing loss for his alma mater in the Elite 8 at the hands of Trey Burke and his Michigan Blue-ligans. This guy doesn’t need to catch a break, he needs to catch the first flight out to Maui after the season ends!

I whole-heartedly believe Parsons and his Rockets will go far in the playoff season. But, whether he goes for one last victory lap or all the way to championship glory, I think we can all agree Chandler deserves a little rest, relaxation, and hula.

For the same price as an NBA jersey, a round of cold beers at your local sports pub, or nosebleed tickets to a Bobcats-Pistons game, you can help show Chandler Parsons your appreciation for an outstanding season.

[...]

Since he makes roughly $10,000 a game, we thought this extra “game” could be on us. Here’s the cost estimate:

  • $3,000 for a first class (he’s got long legs) round-trip ticket from Houston to Maui
  • $3,000 for a Deluxe Ocean View Room, $500/night x 6 nights
  • $1,500 for Food (he’s 6’9″, guy probably has a huge appetite)
  • $1,500 for Fun
  • $300 for Miscellaneous Expenses ;)
  • $700 for Indiegogo Processing Fee

This is a Fixed Goal Campaign, which means if we don’t reach our goal, we don’t get any of the donations, and Chandler Parsons doesn’t get to go to Hawaii.

We are reaching out to Parsons’s managment concurrent with this campaign to determine the best way to get him the funds. Meaning if, I mean when, we do reach our goal, we can get him on that first flight to Maui as soon as possible.

In.

Well, not really “in” as in “giving money to send a professional basketball player on vacation because he ‘only’ makes $10,000 a game,” but definitely “in” as in “Haha, OK.” I mean, who wouldn’t want to help out Chandler Parsons? He seems like a nice, handsome or pretty kind of guy and I’m sure he’d love a vacation where he can get his chill on.

Not to mention, depending on your donation, you’re going to get some really great prizes. You’ll snag a replica Chandler Parsons jersey (retail $55.43) for a $500 give, some Parsons fan fiction if you donate $100 or even “Greater Satisfaction” for $5, which is far more satisfying than just the standard “Satisfaction” you’ll receive for giving $1. No matter how much you give, you’re totally going to get your money’s worth. Totally.

So yeah, let’s send Chandler Parsons to Hawaii. Not me, specifically, but you guys should definitely do it. I’m sure it’ll mean a lot to him.