Personally, I was hoping the Mavericks would never get back to .500, but that’s just because I was hoping Dirk Nowitzki would keep his over the summer and not shave until Dallas was 1-0 next season. Can you imagine an extra three months of blonde beard on that face? He would have come back looking like a giant Jim James, who I think could actually talk Dirk in to the whole “unshaped by human hands” thing.

Oh well. I guess a man shaving set to old-timey music will have to do. Goodbye, beards.