If you watched last night’s Lakers-Spurs game or today’s episode of The Fix, then you already know that both Steves, Nash and Blake, got hurt in Los Angeles’ loss. And if you watched Game 1, then you know Jodie Meeks got hurt in that loss. And if you like basketball, you already know that Kobe Bryant is out with a torn Achilles tendon. And if you know how teams work, you know this news from the Lakers Twitter feed is really bad.

INJURY UPDATE: @SteveBlake5 had an ultrasound today, confirmed a moderate strain of his right hamstring. He’s out indefinitely.

INJURY UPDATE: @Jmeeks20 will have an MRI test this afternoon on his sprained left ankle. His status for tomorrow’s game is doubtful.

INJURY UPDATE: @SteveNash recieved 2 epidural injections in his back today & a cortisone shot in his right hip. He is doubtful for tomorrow.

Fun tweets, to be sure, but this means now is probably a good time to take a quick inventory of which Lakers guards that exist might actually be healthy enough to play on Friday. After scouring every piece of available information, I’ve determined that these are the noteworthy Lakers’ guard options for Game 3.

  • Chris Duhon, point guard
  • Andrew Goudelock, shooting guard
  • Darius Morris, point guard
  • Magic Johnson, point guard who would probably come back in a second if the Lakers weren’t joking
  • Ted Vagina, security guard
  • Nick Van Exel, combo guard/Hawks coach
  • Jerry West logo on jerseys, old guard/thread
  • Byron Scott, unemployed shooting guard/head coach
  • Brian Shaw, shooting guard/Pacers coach
  • Adrian Dantley, crossing guard

As you can see, there are not a lot of options here. It’s pretty much sucky current players, a coach for another team, an old guy or Will Ferrell. Considering Will’s like 6-foot-3, he might be the best choice. Let’s hear your ideas in the comments.