If you watched last night’s Lakers-Spurs game or today’s episode of The Fix, then you already know that both Steves, Nash and Blake, got hurt in Los Angeles’ loss. And if you watched Game 1, then you know Jodie Meeks got hurt in that loss. And if you like basketball, you already know that Kobe Bryant is out with a torn Achilles tendon. And if you know how teams work, you know this news from the Lakers Twitter feed is really bad.

INJURY UPDATE: @SteveBlake5 had an ultrasound today, confirmed a moderate strain of his right hamstring. He’s out indefinitely.

INJURY UPDATE: @Jmeeks20 will have an MRI test this afternoon on his sprained left ankle. His status for tomorrow’s game is doubtful.

INJURY UPDATE: @SteveNash recieved 2 epidural injections in his back today & a cortisone shot in his right hip. He is doubtful for tomorrow.

Fun tweets, to be sure, but this means now is probably a good time to take a quick inventory of which Lakers guards that exist might actually be healthy enough to play on Friday. After scouring every piece of available information, I’ve determined that these are the noteworthy Lakers’ guard options for Game 3.

  • Chris Duhon, point guard
  • Andrew Goudelock, shooting guard
  • Darius Morris, point guard
  • Magic Johnson, point guard who would probably come back in a second if the Lakers weren’t joking
  • Ted Vagina, security guard
  • Nick Van Exel, combo guard/Hawks coach
  • Jerry West logo on jerseys, old guard/thread
  • Byron Scott, unemployed shooting guard/head coach
  • Brian Shaw, shooting guard/Pacers coach
  • Adrian Dantley, crossing guard

As you can see, there are not a lot of options here. It’s pretty much sucky current players, a coach for another team, an old guy or Will Ferrell. Considering Will’s like 6-foot-3, he might be the best choice. Let’s hear your ideas in the comments.

Comments (19)

  1. They should go big: Metta at PG, Clark at SG, Jamison at SF, Pau at PF, D12 at C.

    Got to be better than any combination of Duhon/Morris.

  2. hahahahaha Chris Duhon

    Mike D loves that guy

    also more excuses to post that Duhon travel dance GIF

  3. Metta would have 50 turnovers at PG

  4. Turd Ferguson is available. Funny name

  5. I can tell you who won’t play…Devin Ebanks. If D’antoni had a gun with two bullets and was in a room with Ebanks, Bin Laden, and Hitler; he’d shoot Ebanks twice.

    • Being able to hit an open 18+ footer would help Devin’s cause. I mean hitting one (since college) would help.

  6. Sasha Vujacic and Jordan Farmar.

    You know, the backup guard rotation that helped the Lakers win two consecutive championships that are currently playing in Turkey and not in the NBA where they could be absolutely viable options in a situation like this.

  7. lmfao Adrian Dantley Crossing Guard.

    Well done.

  8. Well jeeze alright, I’ll suit up then.

    I am in Australia, have a broken collarbone, are 38, 6ft and not very good at basketball, but I think I’m a top three candidate here!

    Sucks for the LaLa though…oh well.

  9. i got the answer. bring in AI!

  10. Ted Vagina looks shockingly similar to Jackie Moon. I bet he can ball.

  11. Chris Paul… Oh wait, never mind.

  12. Ted Vagina is known for taking it HARD to the hole. Never, ever count out T. Vagina.

  13. Could they have signed Delonte West before the playoffs started? He would have been a lot better than any of the crabs they have backing up the Steves

  14. Bobie! hahahahahaha!!

  15. If I’ve learned anything from Space Jam, it’s that pudgy, aging comedians can come up big in high stakes basketball games. Put in Vagina.

  16. LMFAO began their career in 2006 as part of the electro house club scene in Los Angeles, which at the time featured DJ/producers like Steve Aoki and Adam Goldstein. The duo started building a local buzz through their shows and radio play.[6] Once they had recorded some demos, Redfoo’s best friend introduced them to Interscope head Jimmy Iovine who gave the green light for them to be signed to Interscope/ Music.:;^”

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