nate-robinson-looking-to-the-side

When I placed my NBA MVP vote a few weeks ago, I knew I would be in the minority. I knew LeBron James was the prohibitive favorite to win his fourth award because he unquestionably is the best player in the game.

I voted for Nate Robinson based on his importance to the Chicago Bulls, who, if you haven’t been paying attention the past decade, have failed to be hilarious.

When the voting was announced Sunday afternoon, I was flabbergasted to learn I was the lone voter among 121 to not give LeBron a first-place vote, truly believing Robinson, Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, and perhaps even Carmelo Anthony would snag a first-place vote or two, though I was fairly certain a vote for Anthony would be considered purely a vote for the idea of a “narrative” and that no one would actually consider him a viable candidate.

Firstly, when I submitted my vote in mid-April, I had no idea I would be the only voter to leave LeBron out of first. This isn’t Chipotle, I don’t walk around asking fellow bloggers what kind of burrito they got. I had no idea what the bloggers were eating, so this was no LeBron conspiracy. For the record, I usually get barbacoa with beans and rice, hot and corn salsa, guacamole, cheese and sour cream.

Secondly, this isn’t the Best Player in the Game award, it’s the Most Valuable Player award, and I think what Robinson accomplished this season was worthy of my vote. He made the Bulls funny for the first time since 2001.

That’s a long time ago.

Robinson led the league in scoring average for players listed at 5-foot-9 or shorter, which is amusing in and of itself, and he was basically the only joker on a boring Bulls team who finished as the No. 5 seed in the Eastern Conference. Derrick Rose missed most of the season with knee issues and has not smiled once in four NBA seasons, Joakim Noah missed 16 games while retiring his silly finger guns, and Carlos Boozer didn’t paint his hair on once this season, leaving Robinson, Rip Hamilton’s continued insistence on wearing a headband over his mask, and a bunch of Italian accent jokes about Marco Bellinelli to bring the only bits of laughter to the United Center.

LeBron can win the MVP award every year. He is that good. And it’s to the point where I put him on a Michael Jordan scale. Jordan won five MVP awards but could have earned 10. In the 1992-93 season, Jordan averaged 32.6 points, 6.7 rebounds, 5.5 assists, and 2.8 steals and shot 49.5 percent from the field.

And the MVP award went to Charles Barkley. Because Barkley is way funnier, unless you are talking specifically about jeans.

So my vote had more to do with Robinson making me laugh and less to do with the dominance of LeBron. If you were to take Robinson off the Bulls, they are as tedious as the Nets. James plays with two other All-Stars, the league’s all-time 3-point leader, a defensive stalwart, and a fearless point guard. The Heat are loaded and Chris Bosh’s videobombs are one of the greatest treasures of our modern day society.

If LeBron was taken away from the Heat, they still would be a fifth or sixth seed and we would see even more Bosh face. He is the best player of this generation, a multifaceted superstar with the physical prowess of Adonis, but I chose to reward a player who often compares himself to Peter Pan because I also never want to grow up.

The Bulls were slapped around last season by the 76ers in the first round, lost to the Heat in the conference finals the year before, and did not tell a single joke during those two seasons. Boozer, an All-Star-caliber player when time travel has been perfected and we can smuggle back his 2008 form, has been dealing with knee problems the past few years. Noah is a defensive center who really only makes people laugh when insulting other cities, and Nazr Mohammed, Hamilton, and Kirk Hinrich are so old that they still listen to Laurel and Hardy 8-tracks. That leaves the funny load to Robinson and his various flexing routines.

The perception that I knew the other 120 voters cast their first-place votes for LeBron and that I went against the grain as some kind of statement is inaccurate. I have made jokes about the league for years, watched Jordan lose the 1996-97 MVP to Karl Malone, and understand that for one season, certain players are just more bloggable than others. I thought Robinson was the most valuable player to his team this season because everything about him made me laugh the most, not because he is the best player in the league, who should really get the award.

And the fact that Robinson is still hysterical in the playoffs, three weeks after I cast my vote, really helps my choice. Robinson scored 23 points in the fourth quarter of a Game 4 win in the Bulls’ first round series win against the Nets, showing the guns all along the way, and has had a season-long Photoshop feud with Hamilton that is still paying dividends.

LeBron had a marvelous season and should be the first player to win seven MVP awards, which is why I should have voted for him, but this season I felt Robinson was funnier. It obviously was not a popular vote but it was my right to vote that way. And truthfully, I love laughter.

I definitely understand those who believe LeBron should have won unanimously but it’s no easy task making the Bulls humorous again and I think Robinson deserved my chuckles for this season.

Comments (30)

  1. This one is gold

  2. This is phenomenal.

  3. I voted Lee for TBJ MVP…

    Matt as most improved.

    Trey as “Tallest”

  4. I hate to see this. People who are tired of just giving LeBron the award even though LBJ deserves it. Then he’s gotta make a whole argument out of nothing to justify his nonsensical pick. Just admit you’re not a fan of the man and move on.

    • As long as you know this is 100% satire, that the only vote that didn’t go to LeBron went to Carmelo, that Trey doesn’t actually have a vote (I think!) and that Nate Robinson is indeed hilarious.

  5. mmmmmmmm thats good satire

  6. i definitely voted for brandon knight based on his importance to the dunk of the year…

  7. Haha “this is gold”. I hope people read the original article..or they could find this too much. P.S. My favourite part was the burrito.

    • I fear that whoever wrote this piece actually gets the burrito they described, which contains 1,230+ calories.

      • Didn’t notice it was Trey’s piece before my last comment (figured it would be published by “Anonymous”). So Trey, if you’re reading this, switch to a bowl and lose the cheese and sour cream. I like you and don’t want you to die and stuff.

    • i read the first bit before i saw the boston globe article, and didn’t really understand what was going on.
      then i came across the Melo article, came back and read this one, comedy gold

  8. Fantastic. Just out of curiousity, please let us know your 1st-5th based on this criteria.

  9. I see what you did there.

  10. Mmm Brooklyn feel the fire.

  11. Ugh. Wish I had the last couple minute of my life back.

  12. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. This one is really gold. This is almost as funny as the guy who voted for Babbitt as Sixth Man. Good job.

  13. Laurel and Hardy 8-tracks? Old or hipsters?

  14. Cool story, bro

  15. beautifully executed.

  16. Coolest of stories, bro.

    (This was great)

  17. My god, Trey is a precog.

  18. wow, this was amazing. one of the few times i have read something longer than 140 characters (outside of school work) on the internet. looks like im gonna convert to a blog reader instead of a strict video watcher

  19. A good day for Nate Rob. He gets an MVP vote AND beats the Heat.
    Warriors fans are all shaking their heads wondering how former castoffs Nate Robinson and Marco Bellinelli are starting for a playoff team that is winning games in Miami.

  20. So frikkin good

  21. Best thing I’ve read in a while!!!

  22. You should have the honor of MVP voting taken away so as you state you voted fir Robinson because he was funnier?? Then u r surely the joke hand in ur MVP ballot for somone who cares about basketball someone who cares that Jordan should have won over Barkley someone who cares about the integrity on basketball about who is the MVP not the funniest you r a joke and a bad joke at the pls pls pls give up ur vote

  23. Without sounding too much like Bill Simmons, how does Trey get a vote and Zach Lowe doesn’t?

    This really just underlines the case for the idea of making the media votes public and transparent.
    We have the technology to do it. And it is a quick and easy way to root out the morons both nationally and internationally.
    Why have thick diet-beverage swigging Chicago homers tainting legacy and legitimacy of any past, current or future MVP awards at all? If your vote is not confiscated, it ought to be.
    And yes, I did just refer to you as a moron.

    If you are going fuck around, surely most improved player is the category to do it.

    What little respect I had left for opinions and insights of this member of the blog is now entirely gone.
    Or as Leigh would put it, I would not let you work at my McDonalds.
    Go Troll somewhere else and while you are there, kindly go procreate with yourself.

  24. Good to see that the vast majority of people understand the joke. Even if you didn’t read the Melo article, come on, if you’re taking this seriously, they should seriously consider revoking your voting rights (to real voting, not meaningless sports awarding)

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