Because of weird TV agreements and your dad needing something to watch on Sunday afternoon, the Miami Heat have yet to play Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals despite the fact that their counterparts in the West have already played two games. (Thanks a lot, your dad.) But that doesn’t mean Dwyane Wade isn’t planning ahead.
No, not about a possible Finals opponent, because that would be rude, presumptuous and the kind of thing that gets turned in to bulletin board material. He’s mostly just worried about the fashion aspect of things, which is exactly why he already has his championship round outfits picked out. From Business Insider’s transcription of an ESPN Radio interview with Wade’s stylist, Calyann Barnett:
“Before the playoffs even started we went through all of his looks, straight through the finals,” said Barnett. “And every look is set already…and I already know what he will wear for the next game and the Finals.”
So Dwyane Wade doesn’t even have two fully operational knees, but he’s got at least 14 outfits (seven possible ECF games, seven possible Finals games) picked out so that people will remember he’s a big-time fashionista. Cool. Very cool stuff. Very important to pick out your clothes ahead of time, that way you don’t get caught off guard and accidentally wear pants that are way too short.
Of course, this could get super awkward if the Heat don’t make the Finals, which is basically inconceivable to anyone who has watched basketball this season. But if that does somehow happen, Dwyane Wade’s going to have a bunch of designer clothes set out to wear, but with nowhere to wear them and no desire to, since he’s probably called them his “Finals clothes” when talking about things with his stylist. It’d be a real “All dressed up and no place to go” situation, which might be the worst thing Dwyane Wade could ever imagine.
Oh, and about that bulletin board material stuff — if LeBron James can get mad at Frank Vogel for something that he never really said, then I think it’s only fair that the Pacers get upset by something Dwyane Wade’s stylist said about him already having picked out what he wants to wear in the Finals. Not only is that the kind of silly thing that inevitably gets turned in to a stupid controversy, I can also think of nothing better to describe today’s NBA than a media fight about clothes. Let the beefing begin.