And here are some potential product slogans to ensure quality sales numbers.

  • Finally, an answer to “Tell me how my ass taste.”
  • Shaq’s big, so is this.
  • For when you really need to be out of shape to start the season.
  • Definitely not the stuff they used to see how much pop could fit in one of Shaq’s shoes all those years ago.
  • Goes great with Shaquille O’Neal vodka while wearing Shaquille O’Neal jewelry and watching a Shaquille O’Neal movie at a Shaquille O’Neal movie theater.
  • Three out of four Shaqs agree — this is a soda worth smiling about.
  • Shaquille O’Neal says it tastes great and he’s never told a lie.

Feel free to add yours in the comments. Feel free to tell me how any of these tastes. Feel free to live your life, maaaaan.

(via Darren Rovell)