In a world full of NBA draft grades and performance projections immediately after said NBA draft, I thought I would do things differently and shirk all responsibility as a competent writer, if I ever truly was one to begin with, and not give you grades or timeliness. Instead, I will give you some slightly analytical, but mostly emotional prose to read. Why so unconventional? Because the 2013 NBA Draft was both unconventional and nuts.

I’m not really sure what the expectation is for Anthony Bennett from the Cleveland Cavaliers, but they truly succeeded in screwing a lot of mock draft guessers with the selection. I’ve read where they’re thinking of him kind of as a Charles Barkley type, but I’m not sure if that’s more playing ability or physique. I’m thinking the latter.

It’s fine to go against the grain, which Bennett will probably need to eat less of to get to his optimal playing weight, but I think it’s a solid gamble since Bennett was touted as one of the players to possibly be called the best in his draft class. And, for the record I did say this:  “…I think the Cavs bust out another Tristan Thompson-type draft move where the team drafts a player many didn’t see coming.” I just thought the crazy would be Ben McLemore.

Speaking of McLemore, how absolutely freakin’ lucky did the Sacramento Kings get? McLemore was touted as a potential first overall pick and he dropped to seventh? SEVENTH?! Orlando drafted a two-guard in Victor Oladipo who has more years in college than McLemore, and according to reports, impressed a lot in interviews. McLemore didn’t impress as much during his talks with NBA teams’ top personnel. But seventh? Are you telling me the Charlotte Bobcats couldn’t have used McLemore, a Ray Allen-type with dumb athleticism? The same goes for the Phoenix Suns who picked fifth after the soon-to-be Hornets.

And, I know that Cody Zeller was rising up some spots in the draft, but did Michael Jordan or Rich Cho make the pick? It definitely seems like the former and that “former” should also be followed by “owner” when it comes to Jordan before he totally destroys his legacy in basketball. It’s almost a sad mockery, this juxtaposition between player and owner. In all seriousness, it’s bad when your own fans boo your pick. And trying to please and increase the fanbase should be important to a team like the Bobcats. Vanilla-flavored Kwame Brown?

I don’t know, Alex Len seemed overly happy to join the Phoenix Suns in his interview. He knows he’s joining the Suns, right? I guess it’s just joy in joining the league, but that joy will turn into being jaded. Or maybe I’m just jaded.

So, the Philadelphia 76ers traded a young NBA All-Star point guard (Jrue Holiday) to acquire a center with injury questions in order to replace their own center with injury questions who never played for them last season? Now, that’s just lunacy! I think a saving grace will be that the Sixers also get a likely lottery pick in next year’s jam-packed draft if all assumed players actually come out. Still, if I was a Sixers fan, I’d be scratching my head, even though I like Nerlens Noel. But hey, if Michael Carter-Williams can find a consistent jumper and not turn the ball over so much, the trade of Holiday will be wash. I’m so kidding right now.

Even though the Utah Jazz gave up two picks that turned out to be Shabazz Muhmmad and Gorgui Dieng to the Minnesota Timberwolves, I think they’re getting a great point guard in Trey Burke. And if you listen to Jalen Rose, he would be the point guard the Jazz have been looking for since John Stockton retired. Umm, Deron Williams, Jalen? Anyway, the Jazz should be happy, and so should the T-Wolves, as I think both teams won here. A bit of a high price, but sometimes you have to do that to get what you want.

And, be honest, was I the only one yelling, “Kaaaaaaaaaaaahn!!!” when the Timberwolves selection of Burke was announced by David Stern?

Speaking of the outgoing NBA commissioner, when he was calling for the boos to escalate and had him one-liners, it was cool. But, it got to the point where which annoying thing would stop first — him egging on the audience or the audience stopping from feeding the bespectacled troll? What a send-off from the fans to one of the best sports commissioners ever … until the end of his tenure. Oh, what the hell — BOOOOOOOOO!

I thought it was kind of poetic that the Portland Trail Blazers selected C.J. McCollum, a player that many compared to Damian Lillard. They’re hoping McCollum can repeat winning the NBA Rookie of the Year award too, but I don’t think lightning will strike twice and they would have been better served getting a big. If only that front office genius Michael Jordan didn’t grab Zeller several picks to early! Oh, what the hell part two — BOOOOOOOOO!

Some quick hits:

  • Otto Porter to the Washington Wizards just seemed pre-destined, didn’t it? It’s just too perfect. Expect them to stink this season now.
  • Does Steven Adams annoy his Oklahoma City Thunder teammates by constantly playing OMC’s “How Bizarre”?
  • Kelly Olynyk and Colton Iverson will make Boston Celtics fans forget Kevin Garnett that much quicker. I’m lying.
  • Don’t worry, Giannis Adetokoubo, Luc Richard Mbah a Moute will teach you how to deal with people murdering the pronunciation of your name. Or accepting the nickname, “You.”
  • I wish I could get away with having hair like Lucas Nogueria. Yeah, that’s it. Just a statement.
  • I thought it was interesting how the Dallas Mavericks wanted to get out of the first round so quickly as to have cap space to sign Dwight Howard, but then soon said eff it to trade for Shane Larkin. It’s OK, since I think D12 goes to the Houston Rockets anyway.
  • Solomon Hill definitely signals that Danny Granger is probably traded soon or at the deadline, right?
  • Tim Hardaway, Jr. will likely be looked upon to take some of J.R. Smith’s shots, but hopefully, they’ll be on the basketball court and not Twitter. Actually, Hardaway, Jr. might be hoping more for the latter. Booty, booty, booty, booty, booty everywhere! And they all want the pipe!
  • I just hate Rudy Gobert and think he’s going to stink in the NBA, but you can’t teach tall. That’s my height envy coming out.
  • Some second-rounders I really like to stick with a team are Allen Crabbe, Tony Mitchell, Nate Wolters and Erick Green.
  • Let the tanking for Andrew Wiggins BEGIN!

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