Probably the most depressing thing about the Lakers unveiling their new “Hollywood Nights” black jerseys that are really just a slightly modified on-court version of a Nike faux retro dealie from a few years back, is that seeing this actually enables me, a 29-year-old virile man, to legitimately pull off the whole “In my day” thing. Because seriously, in my day, the Lakers only had two jerseys: purple and gold. There weren’t all these silly white Sunday jerseys or jerseys with sleeves or jerseys with sleeves AND Noche Latina word marks, and there certainly weren’t black alternate jerseys. I mean, the Lakers went from 1966 to 2001 without regularly wearing anything that wasn’t actually their colors, but now they’re just a regular jersey factory like any other team.

And if I really wanted to sell this curmudgeonly old man bit, I’d definitely mention that in my day the Lakers never begged a free agent to stay, then failed, and never ever unveiled a jersey on Instagram. I have the requisite grey hairs to pull this off, so don’t test me.