LOL OMG TBJ ROFL LMAO BRB TTYL

By internet standards, at age 35, Kobe Bryant is basically a great-grandfather who fought in a minor war you know nothing about. That’s why his latest request is one of the funniest things you’ll see today, in the non-”Breaking Bad”-meets-Miley Cyrus division:

That’s right — no catties. (Also, no dog poop, which seems to be a universally held opinion. I’m starting to think Kobe Bryant isn’t really an animal person, except for when he’s coming up with nicknames for himself.)

Oh, and also no twerking, even though this is Miley Cyrus’ world and we are all just being twerked on in it:

You don’t see a lot of teasers for potential Vine accounts — and you definitely don’t see those teasers proudly proclaim exactly what they won’t be doing — but all this Kobe Bryant Vine research lends itself to one possibly obvious question: why is Kobe Bryant worrying so much about Vine when he already has an Instagram account where he can and does post video? Maybe he likes the looping. Great-grandpas are so weird sometimes.