In the summer of 2013, Kevin Garnett and Metta World Peace both made their way to New York basketball teams. What happened next is a story fit for the funny pages. Now thanks to illustrator Brad Beatson, we get a look at Kevin & Metta’s New York Adventures. Previously, 30 seconds in the mind of Metta.
J.R. Smith: Way to arrive at the 11th Hora, guys.
Kevin: … I thought we were heading to a club?
Metta: This is way, way better. Totes exclusive.
J.R.: Come on, we’re missing the best part.
DJ Slick Reuven: Alright y’all, let’s move to the dance floor and make a circle. It’s Hora time!
Metta: Is this the chair dance part!? Ahhhh!!!
Metta World Peace sprints ahead.
J.R.: Hahaha, looks like he’s trying to recruit some new Knicks fans.
KG: What? I won’t allow it.
Chris: Oh great, the ballers have arrived. Come on, ‘brey, tonight ain’t our night.
Adam: Dad, where are they going?
Seth: Don’t worry about them son, Rihanna is going to perform.
Adam: I don’t want to listen to her, I just want to look at her.
KG: I need something to drink.
J.R.: I’ve seen all these lil dudes runnin’ around hyped off Shirley Temples.
KG: That’s not going to cut it. I need something strong. Did you see Rihanna tonight? My God.
Metta: SHOTS. SHOTS. SHOTS.
KG: Please. Line ‘em up.
Five shots later.
DJ Slick Reuven: Alright y’all, we’re about to get into this candle lighting ceremony and eat this cake cake cake cake cake. Y’all know what that means, a very special performance for our main man Adam, by Rihannnnnnaaaaaaaaaa.
KG: OMG, this is my moment.
J.R.: Man, this is Adam’s day. This is the time for him to be with his family, to be honored. You know, he’s a man now.
KG: When did you get all high and mighty? F–k you, J.R. Don’t hate me cause I’ma steal ya girl.
Metta: I hope it’s red velvet cake. I wanna light the candles. I was a torchbearer in a previous life. This is my moment.
KG: NO METTA. You do not get to steal this from me. I’m doing this.
Metta: You won’t.
KG: Tell me I won’t again. F–king say it.
Metta: You. Won’t.
KG: That’s it.
KG bursts over to the DJ table and whispers in DJ Slick Reuven’s ear.
DJ Slick Reuven: We’ve got a special treat for you, Adam: a duet! Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Garnett!
KG: We found love in a hopeless place. We found love in a hopelesssssssss plaayyy-eeee-yaaace. Doot doot do da do, doot doot do da do.
Seth: Alright Kevin, I think it’s time for you to leave.
KG: What? No. NO. Can’t you see I finally found love in a hopeless place?
Seth: You’re drunk and embarrassing me and my family, you need to leave now.
The next day, KG walks into the kitchen and pours a glass of water.
Rihanna: Good afternoon, Kevin.
Metta walks out of his room, into the kitchen.
Metta: What’s up Kevin! Missed a hell of a night back here, champ.
KG: How could you do this to me? You knew how I felt. YOU KNEW WE WERE MEANT TO BE.
Metta: What are you talking about? You got it all twisted. I didn’t do anything
KG: I cannot believe you. You … you .. f–k you, Metta. No, you know what. F–k you, RON. I’m not going to call you by that stupid fake name anymore. You lowlife piece of–
Metta: My name … is Metta World Peace. Do not call me by the name that shall not be mentioned.
KG: No, you are Ron. Ron Artest. The Brawler. That’s what you’ll always be known for. Well, that and changing your name, ironically. But still, f–k you.
Metta: OH YEAH. IS IT? IS IT? IS THAT HOW YOU FEEL?
KG: Yes. F–k you, Ron.
Metta: Say that one more time.
Metta World Peace charges at Kevin Garnett.
Kevin: (through heaving breaths) I don’t think we should live together any more.
To be continued?