Just watch David West here for 30 seconds or so. He hears a question that has nothing to do with him, puts his head in to his shoulder, then wakes with a start once and looks super befuddled once a new question has been asked — as any teacher will tell you, this is a tell-tale sleeping when you shouldn’t be sleeping maneuver.
So was he sleeping? You be the judge. Just remember it was pretty late when Game 6 ended.
(via Tassie and Sean W.)
It’s almost impossible to keep up with college basketball and NBA basketball at the same time. So when mock draft season rolls around, it’s a time for us NBA bros to finally get to know these kids who are going to be owning the big leagues sooner or later. Unfortunately, that means we also don’t know much about the prospects.
Ergo, we have to learn on the fly. And that’s why I offer this literal mock draft to all you guys out there. It’s a way to learn exactly how you’re going to make fun of these new players once they grace the NBA hardwood. We did it last year, and we’re doing it now, so I guess it’s tradition around these parts. The order comes from DraftExpress, the zingers come from me. Lottery only. Leggo.
1. Cleveland Cavaliers — Nerlens Noel (C, 19, 7-0, 206, Kentucky, freshman)
“Hey Nerlens! Your name is Nerlens.”
2. Orlando Magic — Ben McLemore (SG, 20, 6-5, 189, Kansas, freshman)
“First Mark, then the rapper, now this — more like McLem-less.”
3. Washington Wizards — Anthony Bennett (PF, 20, 6-7, 239, UNLV, freshman)
“Anthony Bennett? I’ve always been more of a Francis Sinatra fan.”
4. Charlotte Bobcats — Victor Oladipo (SG/SF, 21, 6-4, 213, Indiana, junior)
“You’re named after the worst Beatles song.”
5. Phoenix Suns — Otto Porter (SF, 19, 6-8, 198, Georgetown, sophomore)
“Finally, someone to carry on the long and storied tradition of NBA superstars named ‘Otto.’ Finally.”
6. New Orleans Pelicans — Alex Len (C, 19, 7-1, 255, Maryland, sophomore)
“Don’t worry, bro. No one’s going to steal your sunshine.”
7. Sacramento Kings — Trey Burke (PG, 20, 6-1, 187, Michigan, sophomore)
There is literally nothing anyone can say bad about a guy who played at Michigan and is named “Trey.” Moving on.
I can’t even tell who’s happier that this daring jump high-five worked — the little kid who survived the Oklahoma City tornado or the wheelchair-bound Russell Westbrook. Either way, this is the best.
Ballin: I suppose the Ballinest Baller of the evening was the Cavaliers’ Nick Gilbert, who is neither a player nor a grownup, but still brought his particularly swaggy brand of good luck to the draft lottery and won the whole thing again. Perhaps most amazing, however, is that Lil’ Nicky apparently hasn’t aged since his first appearance at the lottery in 2K11. Stay youthful, my friend. (And lucky.)
Not so much: Zach Randolph ended up with a pretty solid line in the Grizzlies’ overtime loss — 15 points, 18 rebounds, three assists, a steal and two blocks — but he also shot 6-18 from the field, missed five of his eight free throw attempts and turned the ball over four times. That looks pretty bad in and of itself, but it was even worse watching Zach be unable to shoot over the taller Spurs, then trying to meekly pump-fake multiple defenders who weren’t jumping. Not good.
Charles Smith: Here’s what the whole first half was like for the Memphis Grizzlies.
Yep, that’s a lot of missed layups on a single possession. No bueno. But at least it was more than one guy, otherwise all those misses would earn someone a bigger Wikipedia entry for that sequence than the entirety of their career.
Baguette: You might look at Tony Parky’s 15 points on 6-20 and wave your hand at your face while saying “Lordy, no” like an elderly Southern woman, but then you keep scanning and see that T-Bag handed out a career-high 18 assists. And then you check his Basketball-Reference page and see that he’s played 164 playoff games and realize that’s pretty baldwin. (Here’s his sexiest one from last night, by the way.)
“Jump” ball: There’s a reason Jeff Van Gundy predicted a Zach Randolph-Matt Bonner tip would be “the lowest jump ball in the history of the NBA.”
Believe it or not, you can actually see air underneath both of these guys’ feet. Doesn’t change the fact that they both still couldn’t jump high enough to touch the ball at its apex. So good.
Engraving: Tim Duncan was only credited with four blocks last night, despite getting a fingy tip on what appeared to be any shot taken near him, but that was still enough to give him exactly 500 career postseason blocks. He’s the first player in league history to do that, though it’s worth remembering that Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar played all or some of their careers before the 1973-74 season when blocks became an official league stat.
Quinge: Hey, Boris Diaw — there’s a Quincy Pondexter dunk in your face.
Seven points, nine rebounds, an assist, a steal and no turnovers in 37 minutes for Q-Pon, who might be hours away from stealing Tayshaun Prince’s starting job since the Grizzlies probably realize they need to be able to score points to win.
Lil Boozy: While we’re talking about backup Grizzlies perimeter players, let’s shoutout Jerryd Bayless’ 18 points (7-18 shooting), three rebounds, three assists, a steal, a block and just one turnover. Good job, man. But let’s also anti-shoutout the terrible, terrible brick he threw up on Memphis’ last real possession. Lionel Hollins really hated it and so did I.
Other things: Tony Allen flopped to get this game to overtime. Let’s remember that the next time the Grizzlies say “We don’t bluff,” as this is a literal bluff … Hands down the best draft lottery reaction of the night … The complete history of streetball sneakers … Impressive shot that didn’t count, Marc Gasol … Here’s how the draft lottery actually went down … Vinny Del Negro is out as Clippers coach, to the surprise of probably not even Vinny Del Negro
Sure, the Spurs actually won because of Tim Duncan’s innate Tim Duncanness, but they definitely couldn’t have done it without this guy, I guess. Way to go, this guy.
(via CJ Fogler)
Not much to say about this, but here’s the story, courtesy of Daily Thunder:
Per the Red Cross, Kevin Durant has given a $1 million donation to the disaster relief fund.
“The Red Cross relies on its donors to perform its mission in relieving human suffering following disasters,” said Janienne Bella, regional CEO in a release. “Mr. Durant’s gift and support to Oklahoma comes at a time of great need and we’re forever thankful for his generosity.”
There’s nothing to add that can make this better, but let’s just mention that it was the Red Cross who made this announcement and not Kevin Durant, and that there is a reason he is one of the faces of the NBA and it’s not just because he’s awesome at basketball. Oh, and that you can text “REDCROSS” to 90999 for a $10 donation.
(amazing photo up top via Christine Van Timmerman)
It’s silly video showdown time. Here’s your your first option — Joakim Noah vibing out to “Pump Up the Jam” with some bros and lady bros.
Or choice two — DeAndre Jordan combining memes while dunking on ESPN’s Charissa Thompson.
Personally, I’m going with Joakim Noah, but that’s mostly because he’s the best and watching him dance has been a longtime source of enjoyment for me. Get that oil. (Also, I am kind of am worried that Charissa Thompson might have a concussion.) Let’s hear your pick in the comments, but please include a thorough explanation for your choice.
