Archive for the ‘A List’ Category

ray-allen-magic-johnson-computer

You can tell it is the beginning of August when some of the biggest NBA news is that the Phoenix Suns bought the web domain Beat.LA to tout their rivalry with the Lakers. Yes, this is obviously the biggest NBA-related domain name story since Chris Bosh won all those domains in a cybersquatting lawsuit — never forget that Chris Bosh has always been the NBA’s reigning king of weird for a while now — but it is still a story about a website honoring a rivalry between two teams who won a combined 70 games last year.

But whatever. Let’s embrace the summerness of this story by coming up with our own fancy domains that NBA teams can secure right now. Here’s a start:

  • Bob.cat — The Bobcats should buy this and have it link to their official website. It’s for websites related to Catalan culture though, so maybe they should trade for a Gasol first.
  • HanginWithMr.coop — A collection of clips from 90s sitcoms where actors played for the Warriors.
  • Semi.pro — Basically any team could own this and cheekily direct it to their rival’s website, thereby insinuating that either they aren’t good enough for the NBA or that they really like that only-OK Will Ferrell movie.
  • Knicks.museum — Feels like the Nets could scoop this up then brag about how all their old guys are still better than the Knicks’ old guys.
  • BustedLegGr.eg — Every team who lost out on the Greg Oden sweepstakes could chip to buy this then talk about his busted legs.
  • Beat.mil — Obviously an anti-Bucks site, but I’m not sure anyone has strong enough feelings about beating them so this might go unused.
  • Bye.ai — An Andre Iguodala smear site run by the Denver Nuggets that is just a continuous loop of all of his missed free throws.
  • HiIg.gy — An Andre Iguodala fan site run by the Golden State Warriors that is just a continuous loop of all of his great defensive plays.
  • [ANYRIVALTEAM]IsB.ad — Simple.
  • Varej.ao — Your home for all of the best Anderson Varejao highlights, like that time he got injured, that other time he got injured or when Dwyane Wade crammed on his curls.
  • Foul.bg — Just a landing place for YouTube clips of Blake Griffin getting hacked and then missing some free throws. Probably run by the Grizzlies or Jason Smith.
  • Foul.dj — Literally the exact same thing as Foul.bg, only for DeAndre Jordan.
  • Love.bm — A Brad Miller fan site that I just started. Not a fetish site.
  • RefsAre.bs — Mark Cuban’s newest venture.
  • ICanFinally.cu — This is the easiest place to find every story about Rudy Gay finally getting his vision fixed seven seasons in to his NBA career. Definitely run by the Grizzlies.
  • Raptors.eh — For all those people who can’t believe the “National” Basketball Association would have an international team.
  • ComeOnGre.gg — Craig Sager finally got fed up with Gregg Popovich’s snide comments, bought a website and then used it to edit YouTube videos so that he could always have a snappy comeback.
  • NiceHair.jo — Not everyone likes Joakim Noah’s hair.

You get the point. Let’s hear yours in the comments.

jason-kidd-stretching-machine

Seriously, it has happened enough times that we can actually make a list of them. So here’s the list.

  • July 5, 2012 — Dallas Mavericks offer Jason Kidd three years and $9 million to play basketball for them. Kidd almost takes it, then pulls a switcheroo.
  • Also July 5, 2012 — New York Knicks offer Jason Kidd three years and $9 million to play basketball for them. Kidd says, “Sure.”
  • June 12, 2013 — Brooklyn Nets offer Jason Kidd three years, a team option on a fourth year and an undisclosed amount of money to be the head coach of their basketball team. This comes only nine days after his retirement from playing, and just four days after anyone knew he was even a head coaching candidate.

So basically, Jason Kidd is a three-year contract magnet. By May of next year, I fully expect some team to offer him a three-year contract to run their team as general manager. Which would mean April of 2015 is when he would get a three-year contract to join Adam Silver as the league’s deputy commissioner, and then March 2016 Kidd would get yet another three-year contract to be the commissioner of the entire league. Pretty sweet career path, but once he gets that top job, I’m not sure who else can get offer him a three-year contract. I’m sure he’ll figure out something.

bryan-colangelo-#1-ball

After a 47-win season during his first year in control of the Raptors’ holodeck, Bryan Colangelo has struggled to put together a winning team. In the six seasons since, Toronto has reached .500 only one other time, and even that was just a 41-41 campaign during the 2007-08 season. It’s Bad News Bears over there, and Bryan Colangelo is kind of Walter Matthau.

But that’s OK, because the Raptors brought in some new management, which means Bryan Colangelo is on his way out. Sort of, if by “out” you mean “down the hall.” From the Globe and Mail:

Bryan Colangelo will remain on as team president, but the search for a new general manager has begun, the Toronto Raptors confirmed on Tuesday.

The revamped senior leadership of the National Basketball Association team was outlined by Tim Leiweke, the incoming president and chief executive officer of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment, in a news release.

MSLE is also continuing a search, with input from Colangelo, to identify candidates for the new GM, a process the team hopes to complete in the next 30 days.

“After thorough evaluation and considering all the options, we have concluded that these changes will be in the best interest of the organization,” said Leiweke. “By splitting the roles and having both men report directly to me, we are adding depth to the basketball operations group and giving the Toronto Raptors the best chance of competing for championships in the future. The new GM will inherit a great situation in Toronto, as all of my due diligence around the League indicates that we have a fine, young core and a few key moves will make us a playoff contender next season.”

While the new GM will have autonomy over basketball decisions, Colangelo will continue to advise Leiweke on basketball-related matters while also broadening his involvement with the business side of the franchise.

I know what you’re thinking and I’m thinking it too — this is gonna get weird … two GMs. I mean, why would you keep a largely failed GM around to give advice on basketball decisions when you are hiring a new GM who is actually in charge of basketball decisions? It’s bizarre, and the only thing I can think of that is even comparable is the John Paxson/Gar Forman braintrust that makes decisions for the Chicago Bulls.

So why would the Raptors want to keep Bryan Colangelo around when it’s not really necessary? Well, there are actually a lot of reasons.

  • He is a Colangelo, so he pretty much knows everybody in the league.
  • He’s got like a million scouts overseas.
  • Everyone really likes his high-collared dress shirts and they’d like to continue sharing his tailor.
  • Bryan eats at the best Portugese chicken places in Toronto and can always get a table, and Tim Leiweke looooooooooves Portugese chicken.
  • Kind of nice to always have someone to blame everything on.
  • Will serve as a nice sounding board for the new real GM, in that they can ask Colangelo for his opinions on various moves. If he likes the idea, the new guy will immediately know not to do it.
  • Didn’t want to have to deal with all the “Colangeral Damage” headlines.
  • Would be weird to fire a guy named “Bryan” with a Y without saying he’s “fyred,” which looks really weird, so why even bother in the first place?
  • Still pretty fun to hear him answer the phone by saying, “Colang-hello.”
  • It’s going to take more than one person to sign every poor-shooting swingman in the league at the same time.

As you can see, keeping Bryan Colangelo around to make the Raptors more interesting is simply a matter of convenience. No one wants to give up Portugese chicken or high-collared dress shirts. It makes sense.

andrew-goudelock-darius-morris

If you watched last night’s Lakers-Spurs game or today’s episode of The Fix, then you already know that both Steves, Nash and Blake, got hurt in Los Angeles’ loss. And if you watched Game 1, then you know Jodie Meeks got hurt in that loss. And if you like basketball, you already know that Kobe Bryant is out with a torn Achilles tendon. And if you know how teams work, you know this news from the Lakers Twitter feed is really bad.

INJURY UPDATE: @SteveBlake5 had an ultrasound today, confirmed a moderate strain of his right hamstring. He’s out indefinitely.

INJURY UPDATE: @Jmeeks20 will have an MRI test this afternoon on his sprained left ankle. His status for tomorrow’s game is doubtful.

INJURY UPDATE: @SteveNash recieved 2 epidural injections in his back today & a cortisone shot in his right hip. He is doubtful for tomorrow.

Fun tweets, to be sure, but this means now is probably a good time to take a quick inventory of which Lakers guards that exist might actually be healthy enough to play on Friday. After scouring every piece of available information, I’ve determined that these are the noteworthy Lakers’ guard options for Game 3.

  • Chris Duhon, point guard
  • Andrew Goudelock, shooting guard
  • Darius Morris, point guard
  • Magic Johnson, point guard who would probably come back in a second if the Lakers weren’t joking
  • Ted Vagina, security guard
  • Nick Van Exel, combo guard/Hawks coach
  • Jerry West logo on jerseys, old guard/thread
  • Byron Scott, unemployed shooting guard/head coach
  • Brian Shaw, shooting guard/Pacers coach
  • Adrian Dantley, crossing guard

As you can see, there are not a lot of options here. It’s pretty much sucky current players, a coach for another team, an old guy or Will Ferrell. Considering Will’s like 6-foot-3, he might be the best choice. Let’s hear your ideas in the comments.

carmelo-anthony-fouling-carlos-boozer

The equally injured Bulls and Knicks played basketball last night. And even though Steve “No Contact” Novak is the only player who took the court who is listed taller than 6-foot-9, there were still physical moments in a game that most closely resembled a men’s league, where the tallest player on the court is the default center and everyone just guarded whoever on the other team was their same size. The majority of those moments came when Carlos Boozer and Carmelo Anthony were matched up in the post, which makes sense since those were the only two players in the game who have any sort of postup acumen.

But even though Melo has been getting his power forward on this season, he wasn’t quite ready for Boozer’s shoulders and screaming style of basketball. Which led to this quote, courtesy of Newsday’s Al Iannazzone:

“Boozer is Boozer,” Anthony said. “Sometimes I don’t think Boozer be knowing what he be doing out there as far as clearing out and the way he plays. He’s so wide, shoulders is wide, elbows just be flaring. I think sometimes he doesn’t know what he’s doing out there.”

Yes, fair. That is a big part of Boozer’s weirdly effective offense game — he’s just one of 17 players this season who is averaging at least 16 points a game on at least 47 percent shooting, and the other 16 players are all really good — wherein he just bashes in to people because he’s certainly not jumping over them. And even though I can’t confirm this, I feel like that’s part of the reason he has a last name that rhymes with “Bruiser.” It can’t just be coincidence.

But since he mentioned it, we should probably let Carmelo Anthony know that there are a whole bunch of other times when Carlos Boozer doesn’t know what he’s doing. These include but are not limited to the following:

  • When playing defense.
  • When deciding the proper times to scream about and-ones or rebounds.
  • When deciding how much paint to put on his head.
  • When rapping.
  • When figuring out what really matters, yo.
  • When throwing skip passes.
  • When renting his house to Prince and not expecting it to turn purple.

Obviously there are a lot of times when Carlos Boozer doesn’t know what he’s doing, but like Carmelo Anthony said, “Boozer is Boozer.” That doesn’t hold quite the caché of “Manny being Manny,” but I think it’s a fair substitute. And hey, if you can think of other times Carlos Boozer doesn’t know what he’s doing, let’s hear em.

(via Beyond the Buzzer)

A list of NBA dogs

dog-wearing-nuggets-headband

Inspired by today’s show, here is a list of NBA dogs.

  • Chris Kanine
  • Jack Russell Westbrook
  • Trevor Retriza
  • Jason Terrier
  • Dalmashawn Marion
  • Kirk Weimerhinrich
  • St. Bernard James
  • Jan Viszlay
  • Kyle Corgi
  • Salukeith Bogans
  • Dog Shammdog
  • Shiba Enes Kanter
  • Carmalamute Anthony
  • Dachshund Rivers
  • Cocker Daniel “Boobie” Gibson
  • Brandon Basset
  • Darren Collieson
  • Bichon Livingston
  • Chow Gasol
  • Dobermanu Ginobili
  • Jodie Great Pyreneeks
  • Ian Beagle
  • Cujoakim Noah
  • Lassie Belfair
  • Rip Hamilton-tin-tin
  • Nando de Shiloh

Please, please, please add your own in the comments. It will make you feel great.

Stephen Jackson sprained his ankle on Mayor Bloomberg’s ankle and now Gregg Popovich is doing his Spurs-y best to rid the NBA of sideline food ordering. I’m not joking. From Spurs Nation:

“After what happened, I have no doubt the league has contacted teams to make sure everybody shores up their discipline in that area,” he said. “It’s obvious people shouldn’t be ordering beers or Cokes or hot dogs when the game is going on.”

That’s right — no beers, Cokes or hot dogs during the game. Notice he makes no mention of where you can’t order, just that you shouldn’t be able to order food or drink during the game at all. He’s probably against nachos, Fiddle Faddle and manly nut snacks too, but that remains to be seen. Gregg Popovich wants your focus on the game, NOT on eating delicious, overpriced snacks. (This is probably why Boris Diaw has been effective as a Spur.)

However, it isn’t just the simple act of ordering food that Gregg Popovich hates — he’s also against a whole bunch of things that always happen at basketball games. For instance:

  • No smiling.
  • No asking if anyone is happy.
  • Don’t do the wave.
  • Don’t take a picture of the court and put it on Instagram.
  • SUB RULE: If you do Instagram a court photo, DO NOT use the Toaster filter.
  • Cheering for food-based promotions is prohibited.
  • When you go in to the bathroom, don’t take a middle urinal when the side ones are open. It’s weird.
  • No wearing a basketball jersey over a dress shirt.
  • Don’t look at the cheerleaders. They’re there to work out, not get creeped out.
  • Wash your hands in the restroom.
  • DO NOT make jokes about how the mascot is a little too fanciful for your tastes. That is his job.
  • No standing to cheer. It makes your feet stick out further, which is dangerous.
  • Better yet, no cheering for fans who have not either a) played in the NBA b) coached in the NBA or c) devoted your entire life to studying the game because you just don’t get it, OK?
  • Only fans in the upper level are allowed to carry their keys.
  • Don’t look at me.

I’m sure there are a host of other things that Gregg Popovich hates, but these are the most important. We can’t have fans having too much fun at the game, lest they forget to pay attention to what’s happening on the court. And seriously, don’t even think about eating when you’re around Pop. He can smell it on your breath.