Huge, life-changing news out of the league office last night. From NBA.com’s David Aldridge:
The league will announce Wednesday a change to its All-Star ballot that will, for the first time, allow fans to vote for three undefined “frontcourt” players instead of having to vote for two forwards and a center. With more and more teams playing smaller than in the past, the definition of “center” was becoming increasingly difficult — not to mention finding enough quality big men for whom to vote.
Now you might be thinking that this isn’t a big deal and that random centers are often the least deserving All-Stars on their respective teams, simply because they’re forced in there due to their coaches deciding to list them as centers during the regular season. But that’s exactly the point — without a couple of undeserving All-Stars now and then, we’ll be missing out on a whole bunch of jokes.
For instance, if center was never a defined position for the All-Star Game, the following jokes wouldn’t even exist.
- Any and all references to the time Jamaal Magloire made an All-Star team (2004), despite the fact he played pretty well the one time he made it.
- Roy Hibbert telling us at this past All-Star Game that his superpower would be to never stop growing.
- Tas being infatuated with Al Horford’s beautiful eyes during media day.
- Chris Kaman and David Lee taking basketball back to the 1980s during the 2010 All-Star Game
- Brad Miller going down in history as one of the few players to have played in back-to-back All-Star Games while switching conferences in between.
- All those times Dikembe Mutombo would freak out during boring dunks at the dunk contest.
- Jermaine O’Neal ruining Michael Jordan’s 2003 game-winner with a really dumb foul on Kobe Bryant.
- Michael Jordan getting dap from Brad Miller and Zydrunas Ilgauskas of all people after hitting that should-have-been game-winner.
- A man named James Donaldson going down as the worst All-Star ever, being selected to the 1988 game during a season where he averaged seven points and nine rebounds per game.
As you can see, there is a lot at stake here. I know we are in the midst of the Positional Revolution and that this is supposed to reflect that, but we are still living in the Meme Society and I think we can all agree that All-Star laughs are some of the best things about All-Star Weekend. This is truly the end of an era.
Rest in peace, center spot. By being so bad, you’ve been very good to us.
Last night, the NBA All-Star game’s Twitter account — yep, that’s a real thing because it’s 2012 and because of technology — excitedly encouraged its followers to vote on their All-Star starters because there were only “21 Days To Go!!” That’s just three weeks, so it’s understandable they’d want to let people know they’re running out of time to write-in Brad Miller on their ballots.
However, voting started all of six days ago, less than two weeks in to the season. That means we’ve only got 27 days to vote on who we want to see lackadaisically hooping in Orlando this February. That’s short, TBJers. So short, in fact, that we all brainstormed a bunch of things that are actually longer than the time we have to vote on All-Star starters.
Here’s our non-exhaustive list:
- Kris Humphries’ marriage to Kim Kardashian
- DaJuan Blair’s Russian basketball career
- William Henry Harrison’s term as President of the United States of America
- A koala’s gestation period
- Muggsy Bogues
- Bobby Knight’s temper
- “28 Days” starring Sandra Bullock
- “28 Days Later” starring Cillian Murphy
- Eddy Curry’s Miami Heat stint, amazingly
- The Second Balkan War
- Nas’ reign on top, which is shorter than leprechauns
- Average female menstrual cycle
- Hulk Hogan’s pythons
- Length of time a Wizards fan is interested in their team to start a season
- Standard dry-aging technique for a steak
Feel free to carry on in the comments because this is silly.
What you see above are the new TECHFIT PowerWeb compression jerseys that adidas is offering as an option to wear in this year’s All-Star Game. As in, that’s the whole jersey. Nothing under it. Nothing over it. Just skin tight spandex, a name and a number. The look is … interesting.
As you probably gathered from that first sentence, these aren’t the only jerseys that will be offered in Los Angeles, as adidas will also be supplying all the All-Stars with the standard Revolution 30 jersey that you see every night in the NBA. That’s good news, especially if Kevin Love gets picked as a reserve. No offense to the guy, but let’s just say that a spandex top looks better on some people than on others. However, I’m sure somebody will wear one of these, at least for a little bit. If this doesn’t have Dwight Howard’s name written on it, I don’t know what does.
While I can’t see this catching on, it’s not terrible. It’s strange, for sure, but tighter-fitting jerseys have been the trend for the past few years and this is just pushing that to an extreme. Not to mention, adidas had a bunch of their soccer teams wearing similar duds in last summer’s World Cup. The TECHFIT jerseys are weird, but not entirely unprecedented.
At the very least, we should all be happy that Shaq is washed up. If he made the All-Star team, you know he’d wear one of these even if it was just for laughs. And that, my friends, would set jersey design back at least 30 years.
All-Star Game jerseys are basically always ridiculous. Outside of the late-80′s red and white classics — or the 2003 update of that style — the uniforms are always covered in gradients, ornate fonts or cartoon cacti. It’s best to just embrace that silliness and enjoy these novelty get-ups for the one time a year when they’re worn. This year is no different.
Up top are the 2011 version of the ASG jerseys, available for custimization at the NBA Store, if you’re so inclined. As in most other years, they’re wacky. There’s a name underneath the player’s number, those air-circulating patterns that are all the rage, a different colored yoke and patches galore. Essentially, every design feature you can imagine was used in these, yet it came out looking like a default create-a-team uniform from “NBA Live 2001.” Bizarre.
Oh, and the jerseys say “THE West” and “THE East.” Surely, you noticed that, because really? I mean, I know we all say, “The West is up by 13 right now,” but that doesn’t mean it has to be on the jersey. It’s not like you see definite articles included on any other uniform. Hilarious inclusion. Get out of here with your “the.” Silly.
That being said, these are fine. They kind of remind me of an updated version of the 2005 jerseys. Kind of dull, but certainly better than the half-and-half look from ’08 or the line festival in ’06. We probably won’t be telling our kids about these, but they’re not bad.
However, as wise sage Justin Timberlake would say: “Drop the ‘the.’ It’s cleaner.” He knows what he’s talking about. He founded Napster after all.