Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category

Sometimes, you just want to put on a hat made for a teenager, then post that picture to your Facebook page so that the 123,000-ish people who’ve liked it can see what you look like as a Harajuku girl. That’s totally natural, just like it’s totally natural to want to make a bunch of animal jokes when you see it.

  • More like Serge I-fox-a.
  • If you think this is weird, you should see what Mikki Moore wears.
  • There’s something on your head.
  • If the Thunder decide they can’t keep Serge Ibaka, it looks like the Timberwolves have just moved in to prime position for his services.
  • Sam Perkins tried to play in one of these during the 2000 preseason.
  • Of all the places to wear this, you would think that in the country that invented fox hunting is one of the worst.
  • Still looks better than whatever’s on Martell Webster’s head.
  • Shoutout to Yorkville High School.
  • I know he just joined the Spanish national team, but I really didn’t think he’d have to go through rookie hazing.
  • Pretty sure this is a behind-the-scenes photo from a Gwen Stefani video shoot.

Feel free to add your own in the comments. Make them extra animal-y, please.

(via I Am a GM)

Dahntay Jones, human cat

Oh man, this takes me back to the early days of NBA players showing up on Twitter and being just as weird as normal people. I’m not sure if Dahntay Jones’ come hither kitty that is probably supposed to be a manly tiger is as funny as Ray Allen’s full-on tiger face getup, but it’s just nice to be reminded of ancient NBA memes from time to time.

Plus, it gives us a chance to make some cat jokes about Dahntay Jones, which is something all of us are always hoping to do.

  • More like Dahntay Calicones.
  • Solid pickup for the Dallas Meowvericksm but he seemed like such a perfect fit in Charlotte.
  • Ahhhh, the elusive Dahtabby cat.
  • Wonder if he got his invitation to the Jellicle Ball.
  • According to sources, Dahntay’s new contract includes a “Love of the Climbing Carpet Covered Structures” clause.
  • “Shimbleshanks for nothing.” — the Indiana Pacers
  • He was great on that one Paula Abdul song.
  • “The Aristocats” was right. Ev’rybody does want to be a cat.
  • He is Siamese, if you please. (Also Siamese if you don’t please.)
  • Dahntay Jones is Alexey Shved’s new favorite player.

Cat jokes are actually harder than you’d think, but please feel free to give it a shot in the comments.

From the headline, you are probably thinking “Which one? They’ve acquired like a million of them this summer.” And you know, fair enough. But it’s not Brandon Roy, it’s not sometimes-two guard Chase Budinger and it’s not Andrei Kirilenko’s back tattoo, which could never play in the backcourt because its razor sharp talons would destroy the ball.

Nope, it’s Russian import Alexey Shved, and this guy loves compies and kitties, whose secret was spilled thanks to being a member of Russia’s Olympics team. From an interview by Prosports.ru, via a Google translation that I’ve cleaned up a bit:

“I’m a cat lover. Our family always had cats — Siamese first, then the cat of the same breed. And now I have a Bengal — same as the snow leopard, only little. Chica is the name. She wakes me every morning and evening. It’s so nice when you come tired, in a bad mood, and the cat settles on your knees. You have to stroke it and you somehow calm down. Not for nothing do they say that cats are treated. Play with it, scratch it — and somehow the problems are forgotten. ”

“I love computer games. From my childhood. I have all the boxes one by one. I can play five hours a day: I come at eight, I sit at my computer — and before one o’clock, did not even hear anything when I was treated. Previously played in WoW, and now again remembered the games that I ever played in my childhood. CounterStrike, strategies are different … In addition, there are always new games, improved graphics. Previously, it was all in boxes, and now you’re playing as if in a movie. Although, of course, the same is not such that I, as a child, was waiting for the release of new games. “

Did Alexey Shved just become your favorite player? That wouldn’t surprise me. Cats, computers and basketball are pretty much what the internet is all about these days.

Just look at how much that guy loves cats. So much, like a real life Dr. Evil with his lap-stroking, stress-relieving ways. Seems like a chill bro who has no allergies and just wants to relax with his cats when he gets home from a hard day of basketball. And when he doesn’t have a hard day of basketball, it’s all video games all the time. (I am guessing his cat is napping now or eating or something else that keeps it away from his computer keyboard, which is a huge concern when you have a kitty. Trust me.)

Pretty sweet deal — play basketball for a few hours, come home and pet your cat for a bit to chill out, then play video games for five hours, all while making millions of dollars for doing so. I can see why he’d want to come to the States. And once he finds out about all the kitten pictures on the internet, I can imagine he’ll want to stay.

Haha, suck it San Antonio Spurs. YOUR mascot is the one who made the big farts in the Suns’ bathroom. How did he get in there? Who cares, because it’s The Coyote who made the stinkies and not The Gorilla.

Totally got you, Spurs. Another resounding victory for the Suns in this totally-not-lopsided rivalry.

(via Dan Devine)

If someone were to tell you that Stephen Jackson went to San Antonio’s Sea World with a group of middle schoolers, you would probably assume that the pictures were awesome. You’d think about how Stephen Jackson is notoriously one of the league’s toughest guys and how putting him face to face with some sea lions would probably be hilarious.

Well, just to let you know, you are totally right. The pictures are both awesome and hilarious. Your assumptions are correct and I commend you for your logical thinking.

However, even you probably wouldn’t have imagined that the pictures would turn out this good. Or that Stephen Jackson would do an impeccable sea lion impersonation.

This is just the standard happy face.

Read the rest of this entry »

If you like animals, are a big softie or simply have allergies that act up when sad stories come out, I’ll advise you to acquire one to three tissues before reading this quote from DeMarcus Cousin, explaining the “RIP Roscoe” he’s had on his shoes recently.

Got your tissues? Good. Here we go, from the Sacramento Bee:

When asked about it, Cousins explained that his 18-week-old bulldog died last week after suffering an allergic reaction to a bee sting.

“He just collapsed in his crate while I was on our last road trip,” Cousins said. “We had an autopsy done and everything because we wanted to know what happened. The (veterinarian) said it was from a bee sting.”

Great. As if I wasn’t worried enough about Yams the Brown Dog limping because she insists on jumping out of the bed even though her legs are way too short to support her body, now I have to worry that she might be allergic to bee stings that can kill her when I’m not even home. Ugh. Bees are the worst.

Hug your animal extra tight tonight. Give ‘em some extra pets and a treat or something, because you never know when some stupid bee is going to come by and ruin everything. At the very least, DeMarcus Cousins will appreciate the notion. We need to stick together in times like these.

Hypothetical situation — if Delonte West and Lamar Odom went to a zoo and then talked to a reporter about it, do you think that would lead to some hilarious quotes about animals? Delonte West is always reliable for some jokes and Lamar Odom had that one shirt where a wolf turned in to a lady or something like that, so you’re probably thinking “Yes.” I’m with you on this, by the way. I think they’d be awesome at a zoo together.

Well, guess what? It’s not a hypothetical situation. Delonte West and Lamar Odom did go to a zoo together and it was just as amazing as you imagined back when you thought I was just riffing about the idea of these two bros chilling at a zoo. From ESPN:

“Well, I think they noticed as soon as I came into the zoo my natural animal instinct, you know what I mean?” Delonte said, speaking of the actual animals. “I got a chance to eat with the lions, you know? They had Lamar playing with the penguins, but they needed me for the more animalistic-type of things, carnivore-type of things. So, I also had a chance to give birth to a baby cheetah today and I’m just overwhelmed with the experience to be amongst my own and my peers.”

And:

West, who grew up in Washington D.C., was asked if he spent much time at the zoo as a youngster.

“I just ran out in the woods, whatever I could find take it home as a pet,” West said, again stretching the boundaries of fact into pure fiction. “I had a pet raccoon once. No, I took my few field trips to the zoo, but like I said, I think we’re getting ready to go see some of the lions and gorillas, my own kind and hopefully we can have a nice bonding experience and they will accept me as the pack leader.”

It is extremely hard to pick, but I think my favorite quote from this entire thing is the “accept me as the pack leader” part, since it is so scientific and Cesar Millan of him. He has obviously watched his fare share of nature shows to know that it is important for a group of animals to accept a new pack leader, lest things go haywire and/or murderous. It’s nice to add a little bit more backstory to the Delonte West character.

However, if you were to nominate Delonte bragging that he got to do “animalistic-type of things, carnivore-type of things” because he is less human than Lamar Odom, then I totally get it. That’s a very solid choice. As is Delonte saying he “gave birth to a cheetah,” which is either a total lie or a pitch-perfect homonym error. Either way, so good.

I don’t know if it’s economically feasible or if it fits in to the Mavericks’ schedule, but if there is some way for Delonte West and Lamar Odom to go to the zoo every day and then reflect on their experiences, I think that would be really good for all of us. Mark Cuban is super rich, so I feel like he could make it happen. Let’s start an online petition to get the ball rolling. Those things always work.