Haha, suck it San Antonio Spurs. YOUR mascot is the one who made the big farts in the Suns’ bathroom. How did he get in there? Who cares, because it’s The Coyote who made the stinkies and not The Gorilla.
Totally got you, Spurs. Another resounding victory for the Suns in this totally-not-lopsided rivalry.
(via Dan Devine)
If someone were to tell you that Stephen Jackson went to San Antonio’s Sea World with a group of middle schoolers, you would probably assume that the pictures were awesome. You’d think about how Stephen Jackson is notoriously one of the league’s toughest guys and how putting him face to face with some sea lions would probably be hilarious.
Well, just to let you know, you are totally right. The pictures are both awesome and hilarious. Your assumptions are correct and I commend you for your logical thinking.
However, even you probably wouldn’t have imagined that the pictures would turn out this good. Or that Stephen Jackson would do an impeccable sea lion impersonation.
This is just the standard happy face.
If you like animals, are a big softie or simply have allergies that act up when sad stories come out, I’ll advise you to acquire one to three tissues before reading this quote from DeMarcus Cousin, explaining the “RIP Roscoe” he’s had on his shoes recently.
Got your tissues? Good. Here we go, from the Sacramento Bee:
When asked about it, Cousins explained that his 18-week-old bulldog died last week after suffering an allergic reaction to a bee sting.
“He just collapsed in his crate while I was on our last road trip,” Cousins said. “We had an autopsy done and everything because we wanted to know what happened. The (veterinarian) said it was from a bee sting.”
Great. As if I wasn’t worried enough about Yams the Brown Dog limping because she insists on jumping out of the bed even though her legs are way too short to support her body, now I have to worry that she might be allergic to bee stings that can kill her when I’m not even home. Ugh. Bees are the worst.
Hug your animal extra tight tonight. Give ‘em some extra pets and a treat or something, because you never know when some stupid bee is going to come by and ruin everything. At the very least, DeMarcus Cousins will appreciate the notion. We need to stick together in times like these.
Hypothetical situation — if Delonte West and Lamar Odom went to a zoo and then talked to a reporter about it, do you think that would lead to some hilarious quotes about animals? Delonte West is always reliable for some jokes and Lamar Odom had that one shirt where a wolf turned in to a lady or something like that, so you’re probably thinking “Yes.” I’m with you on this, by the way. I think they’d be awesome at a zoo together.
Well, guess what? It’s not a hypothetical situation. Delonte West and Lamar Odom did go to a zoo together and it was just as amazing as you imagined back when you thought I was just riffing about the idea of these two bros chilling at a zoo. From ESPN:
“Well, I think they noticed as soon as I came into the zoo my natural animal instinct, you know what I mean?” Delonte said, speaking of the actual animals. “I got a chance to eat with the lions, you know? They had Lamar playing with the penguins, but they needed me for the more animalistic-type of things, carnivore-type of things. So, I also had a chance to give birth to a baby cheetah today and I’m just overwhelmed with the experience to be amongst my own and my peers.”
And:
West, who grew up in Washington D.C., was asked if he spent much time at the zoo as a youngster.
“I just ran out in the woods, whatever I could find take it home as a pet,” West said, again stretching the boundaries of fact into pure fiction. “I had a pet raccoon once. No, I took my few field trips to the zoo, but like I said, I think we’re getting ready to go see some of the lions and gorillas, my own kind and hopefully we can have a nice bonding experience and they will accept me as the pack leader.”
It is extremely hard to pick, but I think my favorite quote from this entire thing is the “accept me as the pack leader” part, since it is so scientific and Cesar Millan of him. He has obviously watched his fare share of nature shows to know that it is important for a group of animals to accept a new pack leader, lest things go haywire and/or murderous. It’s nice to add a little bit more backstory to the Delonte West character.
However, if you were to nominate Delonte bragging that he got to do “animalistic-type of things, carnivore-type of things” because he is less human than Lamar Odom, then I totally get it. That’s a very solid choice. As is Delonte saying he “gave birth to a cheetah,” which is either a total lie or a pitch-perfect homonym error. Either way, so good.
I don’t know if it’s economically feasible or if it fits in to the Mavericks’ schedule, but if there is some way for Delonte West and Lamar Odom to go to the zoo every day and then reflect on their experiences, I think that would be really good for all of us. Mark Cuban is super rich, so I feel like he could make it happen. Let’s start an online petition to get the ball rolling. Those things always work.
“Guess who we r playing tonight?!” — Chris Kaman, who has a freezer full of dead mascot animals just in case he needs to tweet them
You’re probably wondering what Gheorghe Muresan has been up to since he retired in 2000. Well, here it is.
From Libertatea, via Google Translate:
“I love to fish. This summer I spent a few weeks holiday home in Florida and came to fish in the Gulf of Mexico on the boat to a friend. We had a great time, but I lost no time in vain. I have caught something,” said Ghita Muresan us.
Skeets raises a good question — how big is that fish? Gheorghe is 7-foot-7 and it still looks huge. Did he catch some sort of miniature whale? Wouldn’t surprise me.
For years and years and years, we’ve chalked up Michael Jordan’s basketball triumphs to his intense competitive fire, virtually unmatched in the history of professional sports. Well, also the fact that he is supremely talented and can jump very, very high, but the competitive thing too. That is second important and skill is first important, but it is close. Put those two things together, and you have the best basketball player ever.
Except, as Charles Barkley explains, it is because of a lack of canine companionship that he became so competitive in the first place. From Sports Radio Interviews, via Deadspin:
“Michael, I think one of the reasons why he’s been mad since junior high, is because he hasn’t had dogs in his life. You know if you make Michael mad, he never forgets it. I think if he had some dogs, I think that would calm him down. I’m telling you! He remembers everything anybody ever did or said about him in his life, and I think if he had some dogs, that would take some of the venom away.”
OK sure, yeah, this makes sense. Because Michael Jordan never had a dog he became super competitive which made him never forget a single slight which drove him to become the world’s greatest basketball player. That seems logical and pretty much the best explanation for how Michael Jordan became such a killer, because dogs certainly make you happy. (Unless you are DMX, in which case they make you happy but also angry, sad and police officer impersonation-y.)
All this time we thought it was getting “cut” from his basketball team in high school that drove Michael Jordan to become the most intensely driven basketball player anyone has ever seen. Turns out it was just because his parents are cat people.
