Archive for the ‘Boston Celtics’ Category

Kevin Garnett thinks the Celtics are a terrible telecom company

Posted by Trey Kerby under Boston Celtics, Technology on Nov 08, 2012

I’m not going to try to explain this Kevin Garnett quote about the Celtics’ chemistry to you. I’m just going to put it out there and let you try to interpret it for yourself.

From WEEI:

“You can’t speed chemistry up,” said KG. “I think the more practice, the more you get familiar with each other. There’s no hit the fast forward button here. You’ve got Comcast. Some shows you can’t fast forward through. You’ve just got to let it go through and watch the silly ass commercials and be pissed, right? This is what this is.

“Did I just take a shot at Comcast? [Expletive] it, I did it. So what? I’m a DirecTV guy anyway. This is what this is. I’m not helping myself, am I? [Expletive] it. [Expletive] it. [Expletive] it. Who cares? Anyway, that’s what this is. We totally messed that up, right? Goddamned, we just totally messed that up. But this is one of those things where it just takes its course and you can’t speed anything up.”

Seriously though, he is right about this. When you’re watching something on demand and you can’t fast forward it, it sucks. If you wanted to watch commercials, you’d have watched it live. This is why you should always DVR stuff, because then nobody can tell you what you can and can’t fast forward through, like you’re John Locke and your living room is the island. That’s just a little pro tip for you TV heads out there.

Plus, he’s right about chemistry deciding when it has been properly mixed. There’s no way to force something like that, just like you can’t throw chemistry in a tortilla and call it dinner. (Or whatever. Unpacking Kevin Garnett metaphors is a fool’s errand.) It takes time to build familiarity and familiarity to build chemistry, so when you consider all the new pieces the Celtics have added — plus changing roles for guys like Rajon Rondo, Jeff Green and eventually Avery Bradley — it’s only natural that there’d be rocky patches in the early going. But they’ve got a ton of veterans who are used to figuring things out, a coach who understands how players relate to each other as well as anyone in the game and a clearly defined hierarchy that helps people fall in to line. They’ll figure it out.

Of course, since they’re Comcast, it’ll probably take forever for them to actually get things together. Then when they do, it won’t be totally right and they’ll have to reconfigure everything and that’ll be another huge hassle, plus you’ll never be able to get them on the phone. Then just when the TV works, their internet will go out and you’ll have to spend hours unplugging and replugging your modem, trying to get a signal. Eventually it’ll work, but the whole time their fans will keep threatening to switch to AT&T.

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Seal and his date went as the Celtics-Lakers rivalry for Halloween

Posted by Trey Kerby under Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers, Music on Nov 01, 2012

PRO-TIP YOU CAN LEARN FROM SEAL: When you dress as a basketball player for Halloween, you’re going to be the most comfortable guy in the room. Even if it’s a lazy costume like this one — Nike Frees when KG is obviously an Anta guy, come on — you’re still pretty much just wearing pajamas.

Plus, if you’re taking a lady with you and she decides to wear only a jersey and some high socks, that’s not bad either. Just something to consider for next year.

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NBA paper bag puppets for your Halloween adventures

Posted by Shea Serrano under Boston Celtics, Crafts, Houston Rockets, NBA Activities, San Antonio Spurs on Oct 31, 2012

Shea Serrano is one of our new contributors for this season. He’s a writer and he wants you to take him seriously. He wears glasses and owns a tweed jacket with leather elbows. He’s written for Grantland, SLAM, Village Voice, LA Weekly and more. He’s great.

Every Friday, I come home from work and inspect the contents of a red folder and a blue folder. The folders belong to my twin sons, Boy A and Boy B, both of whom are in kindergarten. I suspect their teachers send them home to serve as indirect proof that they’re in class learning handwriting and math and not black magic or racist terms for Mexicans, but that’s just a guess.

Anyway, generally, the folders are full of worksheets and whatnot, of which I pretend to peruse for four or five seconds before spouting out some form of dad rhetoric (“Great job, champ!” or whatthefuckever) and then patting one or both on the back of the head. A couple of weeks ago though, there was something new.

To celebrate Columbus Day, Boy B’s class made these little paper bag Christopher Columbus puppets. And I was offended. Not that they were basically high-fiving one of the most dastardly historical figures of all-time, but because OH MY GOD THE PUPPET BOY B MADE WAS BASICALLY THE SHITTIEST PUPPET YOU’VE EVER SEEN.

It was so shitty that I’m forced to try to explain to you how awful it was rather than just show you a picture of it because as soon as he wandered away from me I immediately destroyed it because OH MY GOD THE PUPPET WAS BASICALLY THE SHITTIEST PUPPET YOU’VE EVER SEEN. So that’s why we have these guys below.

These are some WAY MORE WAVY paper bag puppets for you. There’s Paper Garnett, Paper Harden and Paper Pop. The instructions are on each page, though I’m certain you’d have been able to figure it out anyway. So have it. Thanks. Great job, champs.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Kevin Garnett made a logical, color-based pitch to lure Jason Terry to Boston

Posted by Trey Kerby under Boston Celtics, Quickies on Oct 26, 2012

“You love green, you’re from the Emerald City, and green is your favorite color. So why not be a Celtic?” — Kevin Garnett to Jason Terry, successfully banking on the likelihood that Jet saw the “geniuses pick green” scene from “Meet the Parents”

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The TBJ 2012-13 NBA season prediction countdown: 6-4

Posted by Scott Carefoot under 2012-13 NBA Previews, Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers, San Antonio Spurs on Oct 25, 2012

Join me as I count down my predictions of the regular season finishes for the 2012-13 NBA season, at a rate of three teams per day. Tell me why I’m wrong in the comments.

6. San Antonio Spurs
San Antonio: Where the past (Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili), the present (Tony Parker and Tiago Splitter) and the future (Kawhi Leonard) combine to keep the Spurs relevant in the championship discussion for the 15th straight season. I learned long ago to never count this team out as long as Gregg Popovich is still their coach.

In case you forgot, the Spurs were ridiculously dominant during the 2011-12 regular season — they outscored their opponents by 7.7 points per 100 possessions. Tim Duncan used to anchor the stingiest team defense in the NBA for about a decade, but now they’re all about the run-and-gun. Last season, they had the league’s best offense and three-point percentage, and they were seventh in pace. They have a seemingly unlimited number of deadly long bombers — Danny Green, Matt Bonner, Gary Neal and Ginobili each shot at least 125 trey attempts and made at least 41.3 percent of them. This team likes to make it rain on them pros.

5. Los Angeles Lakers
I despise this team. They’re eminently more unlikable than the 2010-11 Miami Heat were. Kobe Bryant’s a sociopath, Dwight Howard is a two-faced, narcissistic liar, Metta World Peace is a borderline psychopath, and Steve Nash turned down more money and broke the hearts of millions of Canadians by spurning my Raptors. I have no beef with Pau Gasol, though. He’s cool.

Before the preseason, I was prepared to put this team at the very top of this list, but there appears to be some issues. Kobe and Nash will probably both have to sit out some games this season, and the Lakers’ bench frankly looks like hot garbage. That doesn’t change the fact that they should be considered the favorite to represent the Western Conference in the 2013 NBA finals. Also, Nash looks ridiculous in a Lakers uniform and his haircut looks stupid and he’s stupid and he should feel bad.

4. Boston Celtics
Hey, how about all this Rajon Rondo MVP buzz! Wanna know what I think about it? I think it’s ridiculous. The only way Rondo wins MVP this season is if the Celtics finish with the best record in the NBA. Can you say that has a realistic chance of happening with a straight face?

The Celtics are still very, very strong. They’re a virtual lock to be the best defensive squad in the league, they’re highly motivated (as usual) and they’ve got some nice depth with the return of Jeff Green and the additions of Jason Terry, Jared Sullinger and Leandro Barbosa. Plus, you know that no team hates the Heat and Lakers as much as these guys do. Every Celtics-Lakers and Celtics-Heat game is going to be absolutely epic.

Previously in the countdown: 30-28 | 27-25 | 24-22 | 21-19 | 18-16 | 15-13 | 12-10 | 9-7

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Jason Terry hates who the Celtics hate

Posted by Trey Kerby under Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers, Miami Heat on Oct 16, 2012

Sometimes, when a player switches teams, there’s a bit of a feeling out period where the fan base and the player are trying to adjust to each other and find out whether they’re going to be friends or not. Every fan base is different and every player handles the spotlight different, so it can take some time to figure that out.

Or, if you’re Jason Terry, you just dive right in and make yourself a fan favorite instantly, just by hating the same teams your fans hate. From Terry’s blog on ESPN:

It didn’t take me long to embrace being a Celtic. I hate whoever they hate. The Lakers are number one up there and the Heat aren’t too far behind. Doc tells us every day to think about the Heat. Not only does he tell us, but the film plays over and over if you go to the practice facility. Before practice and after practice, that series [2012 Eastern Conference Finals] is playing over and over on the television. We start off the season against them (Oct. 30 in Miami). Obviously the road to the championship goes through the champions and that’s the Miami Heat. I take it on. I take it on personally.

That’s how you make fans, people. Your team’s fans hate the Lakers? You hate the Lakers. They also hate the Heat? You also hate the Heat. It’s that easy. There are few greater bonds than that of a shared hatred. It’s where that “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” saying comes from, and that’s a pretty smart saying. It might even be a proverb, so you know it’s legit.

It’s just lucky that Jason Terry comes from a team who was already conditioned to hating both the Lakers and Heat, so that this this can be an easy adjustment for him. Because between this, learning how to speak with a Boston accent, getting a bunch of random Bostonians’ autographs and pledging to murder these two teams he is committed to hating, Jason Terry is going to be a Boston favorite the second he checks in for his first regular season game. All he needs now is to get a pair of Nantucket Reds and he’ll be a regular Ben Affleck.

(via PBT)

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Kevin Garnett explains his terrible nicknames

Posted by Trey Kerby under Boston Celtics, Nicknames on Oct 15, 2012

Nicknames are hard, you guys. Even “Durantula,” a seemingly perfect nickname that was popularized by a Canadian basketball podcast, has encountered way more trouble than necessary. For whatever reason, coming up with a new something something to call a player for the rest of his career is almost impossible.

That’s why it’s understandable that Kevin Garnett would just call everybody “Youngin,” since realizing rookies are younger than him is way easier than putting any thought to actual nickitynames. Plus, as it turns out, he actually has reasons for calling everyone the same thing and even a few real nicknames with real reasons behind them. From the AP:

Jared Sullinger is “Sully.”

Dionte Christmas is “Temple,” because that’s where he went to college.

And Kevin Garnett calls Fab Melo “Melo” because “I don’t like really calling a man ‘Fab.’ ” [...]

“My personal connection is a nickname. I’m not disrespecting people by not knowing their names,” Garnett said. “Some people don’t even talk to rookies.”

OK, fair enough. At least he recognizes that these guys are real people, even if he doesn’t go to the trouble of knowing their names. And I guess it is weird calling another man “Fab” if you are 12 years old and/or completely deny the existence of the Fab Five or the Beatles or the drummer from The Strokes, so all of this makes sense.

And really, so does this.

“Most of the time, it’s just ‘Young’un,’ ” Sullinger said. “Knowing that he’s an NBA dinosaur, you’ve got to understand that being a ‘young’un’ is a good thing.”

I can’t believe that I am actually on Kevin Garnett’s side on this “Calling everyone Youngin” thing, but there is a strong case to be made that since KG has played 17 seasons, calling everyone Youngin is both a compliment and the easiest thing to do. I’m sold and I can’t imagine him coming up with a nickname that would ruin that.

Sullinger and Melo were first-round draft picks, with Kris Joseph coming in the second round. (Garnett calls Joseph “Shawn,” Christmas said, “because he reminds him of someone named Shawn.”)

Well, I’m back to not getting Kevin Garnett’s nicknames. “Shawn” because some guy looks like someone named Shawn? That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. It’s super funny and maybe my favorite new nickname in the NBA, but that doesn’t mean it makes any sense.

Understanding what was going through Kevin Garnett’s head was fun while it lasted, but I think we all knew it couldn’t last. Don’t worry about it though, because it’s pretty obvious that Kris Joseph looks more like a “Greg” anyways.

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