Archive for the ‘Brian Scalabrine’ Category

Remember when Brian Scalabrine got fed up with random people saying they could beat him at one-one-one, then challenged anyone to step to him? Remember how he said, “I’m the last guy on the bench and I will kick your butt if you’re out on the streets. It’s just the way it is.”?

Well, all that happened, right on down to the butt-kicking. From CBS Boston who actually have 30 minutes of Scal’s one-on-one footage, if you’re interested in that:

Scalabrine, who retired over the summer after a very serviceable 11-year NBA career, took on four of Boston’s best ballers in 98.5 The Sports Hub’s 1-on-1 “Scallenge,” put on by morning hosts Toucher & Rich.

Listeners sent in their try-out videos, showing off their skills and talking some trash towards Scal, but it turns out even Boston’s best was no match for Scalabrine.

He said before the “Scallenge” it would be no challenge, and Scalabrine did not disappoint on that proclamation.

Scalabrine — who spent the last few seasons of his career seen as the “human victory cigar” — easily defeated all four of his opponents, throwing down monstrous jams and sinking smooth jumpers as he beat them all by a combined score of 44-6.

Of those six points, one was a two-pointer, so Scal really gave up just five baskets while playing four one-on-one games, one of which was against a Syracuse University alum who was a benchwarmer for the Orange last season. Not a bad performance for a 34-year-old who can’t get an NBA job and rarely got off the bench when he had one.

More than anything, however, I am glad that this Scallenge should permanently shut down the idea that some normal human can beat the NBA’s worst player. Because if you were to ask somebody who the worst player they’ve ever seen was, you’re going to get a lot of Scalabrines in response. And if no one can get within eight points against him in a game to 11, what does that say about anyone else’s chances? They’re probably as low as someone beating him in a rap battle, which is the very definition of slim to none.

My dad sent me a very important text message today. He paid the international rates and everything, so you know it’s something I really needed to know. The topic? Brian Scalabrine challenging all of Boston to a one-on-one game, duh. That’s why he’s my dad.

Here are the details, as explained by Scal on ESPN’s “Waddle and Silvy Show” in Chicago (37:30 mark):

In Boston right now, we have this challenge going out. I do a radio show out there, and there are people on the street that really believe they can beat me. So we’re doing tryouts for the top 10 people in Boston to play me one-on-one.

And we’re playing to 11. And we’re gonna film it, everything. The reality of people and what they think NBA players are like. I’m the last guy on the bench and I will kick your butt if you’re out on the streets. It’s just the way it is.

Two things about this:

  1. Brian Scalabrine is right. He will destroy any normal basketball player who thinks they can step to him. He is a 6-foot-8 34-year-old who shot 34 percent from three during an 11-year career and has been out of the league for less than a year. He was good enough during this calendar year to make enough cool plays in an NBA game that necessitated an entire YouTube highlight reel. In the realm of NBA players, he might suck. But in the realm of humans playing basketball, he is still really good.
  2. I really want to see an entire video clip of Brian Scalabrine beating random people at one-on-one. That’s exactly what he needs to secure his place in the internet Hall of Fame.

Other than that, do what you wish with this information. Move to Boston to try to take him down, text your father and tell him you love him or just fire up some old Scalabrine highlights — I don’t care. I just wanted you to know Brian Scalabrine is challenging people in Boston to one-on-one games. My work here is done.

This just goes to show you that with clever editing, every NBA player has a highlight tape somewhere in their archives. Like if you really tried, you could find enough clips of Chris Quinn doing cool stuff to make a decent two minute compilation. Sure, they might not have Stacey King going bonkers the whole time, but that’s up to you to decide if that’s a good thing or not.

(via PBT)