Can’t you just feel Kenny Smith seething with anger as he realizes his Russell Westbrook bit is getting buried by Shaq eating a papier-mâché Charles Barkley? He just knows that the next morning no one is going to care at all that he realized Russell Westbrook’s shirt looks like a kaleidoscope. Even after he gets the joke off, Shaq just ignores it to go back to the piñata. Bad timing, man.
But hey, if you want some good Kenny Smith action, check out this ancient “Inside the NBA” clip of Ernie and Kenny talking about the Shaq-Barkley fight, who were still in the league at that point. It’s amazing to see how much things have changed. You decide if it’s for the better or not.
If the Oklahoma City Thunder figure out a way to advance to the NBA Finals, I think we can all agree the best part will be the continued humiliation of Charles Barkley by the entirety of the state’s capitol. In fact, if one decided they wanted to root for the Thunder for that reason alone, one might be making a wise decision.
Ironically enough, “Hardcore Pawn” was going to be the name of Doug and Jackie Christie’s porno until this show came out. But no matter what they call it, they should have Charles Barkley do the promos for it, because this is perfect.
As we said more than a month ago, this year’s Rising Stars challenge will feature a draft from a pool of rookies and sophomores. And just like I predicted, Shaquille O’Neal and Charles Barkley are the GMs who will be picking the two teams. The pool of draft eligible players was released today, which means we finally have a chance to break down the most likely scenarios for the upcoming draft.
We’ll assume Barkley gets the first pick because he’s been on “Inside the NBA” longer and that the draft will proceed in a serpentine fashion.
Barkley — Blake Griffin: Not only is Griffin the best player available, he’s also one of the guys that Charles has definitely heard of.
Shaq — Ricky Rubio: The most fun name to say, for sure, so a definite O’Neal target.
Shaq — DeMarcus Cousins: Shaq has a soft spot for big guys who look kind of chubby.
Barkley — John Wall: Another guy who Charles Barkley probably knows.
Barkley — Greg Monroe: He’s tall, so OK.
Shaq — Gordon Hayward: A versatile scorer who Shaq thinks would look funny when he makes them dance.
Shaq — Kyrie Irving: Doesn’t fill a need for Team Shaq, but it will allow the GM to wiggle his eyebrows like he found an uncovered gem.
Barkley — Landry Fields: He starts for the Knicks, so he must be good, right?
When even Charles Barkley is catching your mistakes — “He’s not from Italy, Ernie. He’s from Spain.” — you know you’ve really screwed up. Though to be fair, they do both speak Romance languages and have good national soccer teams, so it’s understandable why Shaq would botch this.