“That’s right up there as one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. That’s right up there with new Coke.” — Charles Barkley, on the league that Amar’e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony are talking about starting
Archive for the ‘Charles Barkley’ Category
Posted by Trey Kerby under Charles Barkley, Lockout Watch, Quickies on Oct 17, 2011
Posted by Trey Kerby under Charles Barkley, Michael Jordan on Oct 06, 2011
You might think that now that they don’t play basketball against each other, Michael Jordan would take it easy on Charles Barkley. Since Michael spent an entire career figuring out ways to stymy Chuck’s hope for a title, you’d think he’d cut Sir Charles a little slack now that they’re old and fat.
Get serious. This is Michael Jordan. Like he’d ever stop dissing his rivals. From ESPN:
Jon Robinson: Are you disappointed that Charles Barkley isn’t represented in the game as one of the 15 legends?
Michael Jordan: I am disappointed he’s not in the game. I think people would love to see how much smaller he was compared to how he is now. [laughs] The impact he had on the league being only 6-4, 6-5, and the impact he had at the power forward position is going to be missed.
That’s how you do it. That’s how you zing your friends when they’re least expecting it. One second Charles Barkley is reading an innocuous article about NBA 2K12 (yeah right, but go with it) and the next Michael Jordan’s making fat jokes because he just can’t resist. Classic Michael Jordan.
I especially like at the end how he tries to make it seem like he was just talking about Barkley being a short power forward, and not that he was laughing about a joke he made about Charles gaining all that weight after he retired. After years of needling Barkley, you think we’re letting a wise crack like this slip by? Nice try, Mike.
Posted by Trey Kerby under Animals, Charles Barkley, Michael Jordan on Sep 19, 2011
For years and years and years, we’ve chalked up Michael Jordan’s basketball triumphs to his intense competitive fire, virtually unmatched in the history of professional sports. Well, also the fact that he is supremely talented and can jump very, very high, but the competitive thing too. That is second important and skill is first important, but it is close. Put those two things together, and you have the best basketball player ever.
Except, as Charles Barkley explains, it is because of a lack of canine companionship that he became so competitive in the first place. From Sports Radio Interviews, via Deadspin:
“Michael, I think one of the reasons why he’s been mad since junior high, is because he hasn’t had dogs in his life. You know if you make Michael mad, he never forgets it. I think if he had some dogs, I think that would calm him down. I’m telling you! He remembers everything anybody ever did or said about him in his life, and I think if he had some dogs, that would take some of the venom away.”
OK sure, yeah, this makes sense. Because Michael Jordan never had a dog he became super competitive which made him never forget a single slight which drove him to become the world’s greatest basketball player. That seems logical and pretty much the best explanation for how Michael Jordan became such a killer, because dogs certainly make you happy. (Unless you are DMX, in which case they make you happy but also angry, sad and police officer impersonation-y.)
All this time we thought it was getting “cut” from his basketball team in high school that drove Michael Jordan to become the most intensely driven basketball player anyone has ever seen. Turns out it was just because his parents are cat people.
Posted by Trey Kerby under Charles Barkley, Miami Heat on Aug 26, 2011
Back in the “I am not a role model” days, there was no way to guess that Charles Barkley would become America’s sweetheart — the kind of guy who can throw someone through a plate glass window, get a DUI while trying to hook up and still be loved the world round. But that’s what happened and we’re all better off for it. No one complains about having a little Chuck in their life.
Except maybe Kenny Smith and LeBron James, who wouldn’t get a helping hand from the Round Mound of Rebound if he was the only one who could save them. From Barkley’s appearance on ESPN Radio’s “Waddle and Silvy”:
Silvy: If Ernie [Johnson] and Kenny [Smith] were hanging from a cliff, which one would you save?
Barkley: Oh, I’m a save Ernie. Not only that, I probably gonna kick Kenny’s hand off the cliff.
Silvy: What if it’s LeBron or Dwyane Wade, which one are you saving?
Barkley: Oh, LeBron’s gone, bro.
Tragic. I am going to miss Kenny Smith and LeBron James, as they have both been great entertainers over the years. It was fun while it lasted, but now that they have plummeted to their deaths, we’re going to have to find a way to move on. I guess it was just their time.
But really, this is just funning with some friends. There’s no better way to tell that a guy is your buddy than to hear him tell a couple of radio hosts that he wouldn’t save you if you were hanging from a cliff while laughing about it. It’s a dead giveaway, and probably a beer commercial of some sort.
Besides, Charles Barkley is probably big enough to save all four of these guys at the same time. If two of them grab each of his hands and he leans back, he’ll be able to catapult them to safety. Sometimes a little post-playing weight can be a real life-saver.
Posted by Trey Kerby under Charles Barkley, Miami Heat on May 24, 2011
Not the best week for Miami Heat fans. One drunk knucklehead got Joakim Noah so mad that he tossed a slur at him, costing the Bulls big man $50,000 and setting off a debate about the ethics of in-stadium fan behavior. Another couple tossed towels at Charles Barkley because he picked Chicago to win the Eastern Conference finals.
Naturally, Chuckles took things in stride, playfully challenging the fans to a fight and reminding them that he’s the one who is an NBA Hall of Famer who has made millions of dollars playing professional basketball. From the Sun-Sentinel:
Barkley, speaking on WQAM Monday afternoon, appeared to welcome the confrontational approach.
“You know those people can yell and scream but they don’t have the hair on their (butt) to grab me,” he said. “They don’t have enough hair on their (butts) to walk up to me man to man and say, ‘Let’s do this.’
“All that yelling and screaming just makes me laugh, man.”
Barkley found Sunday’s scene amusing.
“They were telling me I suck,” he said. “They were telling me I never won a championship. Like, ‘Come on, give me something better than that, dude.’
“I always laugh at that statement, ‘You didn’t get a ring. ‘I’m like, dude, you work at McDonald’s. My life’s a lot better than yours. You relax.’ “
This is what happens when a bunch of jabronis hop on a bandwagon of a team that ends up being very good. No offense to the legitimate Miami Heat fans out there — the people who cheered for the team from Bimbo Coles to Eddie Jones to Dwyane Wade — that are very good fans who know how to act like normal human beings. But when a bunch of random idiots start cheering for a team, they kind of take things too far. You’re trying too hard.
Of course, you can’t blame them for not actually wanting to step to Charles Barkley. This is a guy who once threw a man through a window. Very understandable that they’d rather toss terrycloth from the safety of a crowd. Sure, it’s just a towel, but it’s enough of a concern that TNT is moving their show inside, just to make sure nothing worse happens. It probably wasn’t covered in the “Fan Up” tip sheet, but throwing things at people is generally frowned upon.
Nonetheless, I think we can give the victory to Charles Barkley here. Not only did he call out the Heat fans for being sissies and not only did he win the crowd over by giving them the finger, he also dropped yet another classic Barkley zing on the Miami fan base. “Dude, you work at McDonald’s. My life’s a lot better than yours. You relax” is an instant classic.
Posted by Trey Kerby under Charles Barkley, Random, Score Video on May 05, 2011
With no games on tonight, I think this is a good place to end today — Charles Barkley breaking the head off his golf club on his very first shot of the day at a pro-am in Alabama. Barkley golf jokes are pretty played out at this point, but something like this makes it all worth it.
(via Devil Ball Golf)
Posted by Trey Kerby under Charles Barkley, NBA Fashion, Score Video on Apr 27, 2011
Quick question — Is it even possible to look good in a short-sleeved dress shirt? For the answer, we turn to men’s style expert Jesse Thorn of Put This On.
“It’s entirely possible to wear a short-sleeved shirt and look good, but it won’t be under a jacket and it won’t be on anyone whose nickname is the Round Mound of anything.”
That’s what I figured. Step your game up, Chuck.