Archive for the ‘Charlotte Bobcats’ Category

People say the hardest thing to do in sports is using a round bat to hit a round ball square. But that’s only because they’ve never thought about selling tickets to a Charlotte Bobcats game. The team is 27th in attendance, selling just 77 percent of seats at the Time Warner Cable Arena and notching the fifth-worst average attendance for their home games. It’s not easy convincing people to spend money to watch the worst team ever.

If the official Bobcats ticket sellers are having a hard time moving units, imagine how tough it must be for the scalpers. Or instead of imagining, just read what one scalper had to say before a recent Bobcats home game. From Grantland:

“This is the bummest goddamn spot in the goddamn nation,” he tells me. “Charlotte is the resting spot. This is where other teams rest their best players.” And what about ticket sales? “People come out here, they buy the best goddamn tickets for $5,” he complains.

I’m not trying to say you should feel bad for a scalper who is unable to make profits on illegal transactions, but can you imagine a worse job than scalping Bobcats tickets? (I’m sure you probably can, smart guy, but you know what I mean.) Not only does nobody want your tickets in the first place, there’s basically no way you’re going to be able to jack up the price on Bobcats tickets. That’d be like trying to charge a premium to watch Lindsay Lohan perform the entirety of “A Little More Personal (Raw)” live. “No thanks.” — everyone you try to sell to

Then again, there’s a sucker born every day. I mean, if David Stern could convince Michael Jordan to spend hundreds of millions of dollars to own the team, then anything is possible.

As we all know, the Charlotte Bobcats are the worst team in the NBA, and as you probably know, they have a very realistic chance to become the worst team of all-time. They have two losing streaks of 16 or more games, and the only saving grace is that they are going to run out of games this season to break the 2010-11 Cavaliers’ record for most consecutive losses.

But still, even with a team this bad, they have to have goals, even if that goal is to not be the worst team ever. Oh by the way, that’s exactly what their goal is. From the AP:

”We don’t want to set that record,” Bobcats guard Gerald Henderson said. ”That’s something that we’re thinking about and we’ve talked about. We just want to win. That’s my sole goal. We’ve set goals for ourselves at the start of the season and haven’t accomplished hardly any of them. But with these last five games, that’s one that we’ve set and we want to accomplish that one.”

What a bummer. Not only have the Bobcats failed to reach most of their goals that they have set this season, the one goal they are most desperate to meet is another one that they probably won’t achieve. They still need one more win to best the 1972-73 Sixers and not go down in history as the team with the league’s worst winning percentage ever. Considering that of their five remaining games, three come against playoff teams and two come against the Kings and Wizards (5-0 against the Bobcats), things aren’t looking good.

And if that’s not depressing enough, how about this breakdown of a classic Bobcats sequence.

In the first half Matt Carroll had a breakaway layup but put if off the glass too strong and Byron Mullens, who seemed to be in position for a follow-up dunk, had the ball bounce off his hands and out of bounds for a turnover.

The crowd let out a collective ”Ugh!” as Carroll clapped his hands together in disbelief and glanced toward the heavens.

Amazingly, this play isn’t on the internet, because I think even the normally cruel internet has decided to take things easy on the Bobcats. They can’t score points, their coach fights their players, Eduardo Najera literally broke his head — the Bobcats are an old dog (irony) that needs to be put down because it’s horrible watching them suffer.

That being said, no matter what happens these last five games, it’s worth keeping track of. Either we witness history and get to see the worst team ever, or the Bobcats somehow pull this off and we get to celebrate them avoiding a terrible record. Win-win for us, but probably lose-lose-lose-lose-lose for the Bobcats.

“Guess who we r playing tonight?!”Chris Kaman, who has a freezer full of dead mascot animals just in case he needs to tweet them

Boris Diaw is a photographer, apparently? I didn’t really know this because most of the things I know about Boris Diaw are about his cheese preferences, how he gained a lot of weight “on purpose” this year and that he treats American women really, really great. But yeah, I guess he’s a picture taker, which makes sense because of the whole French thing and the French Photographic Society (Société française de photographie) and how he seems to be more concerned with basically everything else that isn’t basketball, even when he’s playing basketball.

Nonetheless, his skills with the camera got him a gig as Nike’s man for showing off their new French soccer uniforms (“football kits,” if you will). They’re all white, which seems antithetical to a sport that involves a lot of sliding, but they look great. I’ve pulled a few of the pictures from the set, either because I recognize the subject or I know what Boris was thinking when he composed the scene.

Read the rest of this entry »

“He’s strong … I’m strong, too.”Bismack Biyombo on Dwight Howard

Apparently these guys haven’t heard that if you move the right analog stick while you’re on the way up, you can change your shot. It’s an advanced maneuver, but it’s very effective.

This Monday through Friday, I’m going to give my season predictions in a countdown from worst to first. The format will be three teams per post, one post in the morning and one in the afternoon. Whichever team you’re a fan of, there’s a good chance you’ll feel like I’m disrespecting them. I understand this, and I promise you I won’t take your insults personally.

30. Detroit Pistons
Seven years after the Pistons won their last NBA championship, I think the grace period for President of Basketball Operations Joe Dumars is over. He is a terrible GM and I have to wonder how much nostalgia for that title and his playing career in Detroit is keeping him employed in his current job.

Does Joe even understand that his team needs to rebuild? And if he knows this, does he know how to do it properly? Based on the contracts he just approved while re-signing Tayshaun Prince and Rodney Stuckey, I have a hard time believing that. Even if the Pistons improve their talent level with high draft picks, the cap-clogging contracts of Prince and Stuckey will hold them back for at least the next two seasons.

Optimistic Pistons fans might point at sophomore center Greg Monroe as a beacon of hope, but he’s an average rebounder and a poor defender and that combination will always sour me on a big man’s potential. There just isn’t a lot of upside on this roster, unless you think Brandon Knight has Rookie of the Year potential, which I don’t.

Read the rest of this entry »